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  • #31
    Originally posted by Lithium View Post
    Physicians aren’t demigods in the community like they were 30 years ago. Physicians themselves don’t seem to be as wrapped up in this “identity” either. When I go to parties and people ask what I do for a living, I try as hard as possible to dodge the question. If I met a prospective spouse who seemed to have designs on becoming a “doctor’s wife,” I would run the other way.

    50% of why i became a doctor is to have the option to have a "doctors wife"

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    • #32
      Originally posted by FIREshrink View Post
      Does this question or the answer to it change if the doctor is a man or woman?
      Also, does the question or answer change if the doctor's husband is a man or a woman.

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      • #33
        Here is a question. All things being equal, some(if not many) women find marrying a male physician desireable(earner, respectable job, all the other attached BS reasons). Do these motives track with men in general? Or are they more intimidated? Is being intimidated by a physician female a preferable(cute) trait(respect/fear the educational/earning dynamic hierarchy)?

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        • #34
          Originally posted by burritos View Post
          Here is a question. All things being equal, some(if not many) women find marrying a male physician desireable(earner, respectable job, all the other attached BS reasons). Do these motives track with men in general? Or are they more intimidated? Is being intimidated by a physician female a preferable(cute) trait(respect/fear the educational/earning dynamic hierarchy)?
          Cant say since am a doc. Maybe you would if you werent? Idk, dont think it would bother me at all, but cant exactly see the converse situation and how it influences your world view and such.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by burritos View Post
            Here is a question. All things being equal, some(if not many) women find marrying a male physician desireable(earner, respectable job, all the other attached BS reasons). Do these motives track with men in general? Or are they more intimidated? Is being intimidated by a physician female a preferable(cute) trait(respect/fear the educational/earning dynamic hierarchy)?
            My wife is also a physician, and I can honestly say that her profession had nothing to do with why I married her. I didn’t consider it a plus or minus either way.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Kamban View Post

              Also, does the question or answer change if the doctor's husband is a man or a woman.
              Might as well make it exponentially complicated. Got a list of pronouns and how to figure out the ability to change?
              I choose NO, not gonna deal with that issue. The devil is in the details. What is a man or a woman? That has not been decide by Supreme Court yet.
              Stirring the pot.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Tim View Post

                Might as well make it exponentially complicated. Got a list of pronouns and how to figure out the ability to change?
                I choose NO, not gonna deal with that issue. The devil is in the details. What is a man or a woman? That has not been decide by Supreme Court yet.
                Stirring the pot.
                Less stirring please

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by burritos View Post
                  Here is a question. All things being equal, some(if not many) women find marrying a male physician desireable(earner, respectable job, all the other attached BS reasons).
                  How are those BS reasons?

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by DoctorSpouse View Post
                    I'm a SAHD, wife is the doctor but I don't identify as a doctor's husband.
                    lol... but yet your login ID is "DoctorSpouse"?

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Fullhouse11 View Post
                      The non-working spouse here. This subject is pretty fascinating to me and my feelings about it have evolved over the 20-25 years that I’ve been married to a physician (20 years post training). It’s definitely a strange demographic in a way. I loved working, but never made, or probably wouldn’t make, significantly more than $80k. I wasn’t in medicine in any form. I was dating my future husband years before he went to medical school, but I knew that was his goal, so I guess someone could rudely say I knew the long game?

                      I quit a job that could support myself when I turned 31 and had a second baby. In the mean time, the physician husband became the kind of doctor that loves his job with a capitol L. Lots of call, lots of working on charts at home, lots of passion. It happens.

                      years 1-8 of being a non working spouse. I’m fk’d if this marriage doesn’t work out. I just quit my job! We have negative net worth. Having a good marriage and putting us on the path of financial success is my main goal. Guess what? It also makes me pretty happy! Probably not something to mention in a get to know me with another spouse.

                      year 15 of being a non working spouse. Having FU money means that at some point physician spouse may want to use it. Good bye part time passion job, hello new city, new introductions. What exactly do I say at dinner parties now? I had my script and didn’t meet many new people anyway.

                      I have a friend who is a man and also married to a passionate female physician. (FYI- by passionate I mean that they take call when asked, cover colleagues and ignore direct questions timeline for retirement).
                      My friend and I have discussed the gender differences a lot when it comes to explaining our circumstances. The truth is, we are lucky, we have choices because our spouses have the financial obligations handled beyond what our families need.

                      year 20 (almost). At 50, we have both given up trying to explain our passion projects or how much we hold down everything else because it makes life easier. I just answer, ‘I don’t work’ and move on. It’s not the most interesting thing about me. Then I probably talk about my awesome kids who are in college/hs.
                      Wow, this is a great thread! I really did not realize that there are so many spouses on here!!! I do not personally know any doctor's spouses that do their finances or know about or care to know about disability insurance etc etc etc!! glad to know that I am not the only one.

                      I could have written almost this exact post - except changing the years. I stopped working (or "retired" as my husband likes to joke) to stay home with kids when we moved for fellowship.

                      I do not identify as a "Doctor's Wife." If asked or if it comes up, I just say my husband is a physician. It's not something I go out of my way to share. I frequently remind my spouse jokingly how he has no idea how good he has it - I could be a "doctor's wife" which in my mind = super spendy and high maintenance!

                      I know various "doctor's husbands" but I don't know any that identify as such. They simply have wives that are doctors and they all have their own thing and own identity.


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                      • #41
                        My wife is a badazz doctor and I wouldn’t mind being a stay at home dad taking care of the children. Alas, I am a physician and she won’t let me quit my job to be a stay at home dad / cook / video game aspiring professional / aspiring pro golfer.

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