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  • #16
    Lithium you go to parties? Maybe that's the problem

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    • #17
      Originally posted by bovie View Post

      You are missing an excellent opportunity for personal entertainment here.

      New answer every time it gets asked, with increasingly specific and esoteric details.

      Baker. Truck driver. Folk singer. Etsy arts-and-crafts-er. House flipper. Lifestyle blogger. Retired.

      "Nice to meet you, I'm Art Vandelay, architect...have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?"
      I’ve done that too - part time bird watcher, sidewalk chalk artist, social media influencer, male gigolo. Some more believable than others…

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Dogtor View Post
        FIREshrink the "Doctor's Wife" seems to be a VERY common identity claimed by female-identifying doctor spouses.
        Go to your local medical society's "alliance" meeting or fundraising event and you will find it to be nearly entirely women, married to male doctors, who spend time in various charitable societies. I can't imagine a male spouse trying to break into that circle.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Tim View Post
          Unless she was a beautiful physician that was avoiding guys wanting to be a "doctor's husband".
          Other than at med school probably not an issue. In fact the opposite from previous threads, single female docs seem to have issues with this and men. The 1830s comment is still salient.
          Similar to OP my human doctor wife definitely not planning to let me be a "trophy." And lol at fuzzician

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          • #20
            Originally posted by mkintx View Post

            Go to your local medical society's "alliance" meeting or fundraising event and you will find it to be nearly entirely women, married to male doctors, who spend time in various charitable societies. I can't imagine a male spouse trying to break into that circle.
            Which circle of ************************ is that again?

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            • #21
              Originally posted by DoctorSpouse View Post
              I'm a SAHD, wife is the doctor but I don't identify as a doctor's husband.
              Same. My salary/benefits during med school and residency were just to support her and our growing family thru the process. Now we are 5 years out of residency, and I quit a year ago to SAHD to 3 kids. (We were not equals: my compensation was a miserable fraction of hers.) But I've never tied my vision of myself to my career, much less hers.

              ​​​​​​

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              • #22
                Originally posted by G View Post

                We certainly run in different circles.
                Same. Seems like I might have seen it 20+ years ago here and there. Pretty simple in my house. I'm a doc, wife isn't. Neither one of us gives a rip.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by burritos View Post
                  One of my lower priorities in going to med school was to possibly become this.
                  I'd say you basically made it. You did the hard part. Now you just need to stop working to realize the dream.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by bovie View Post

                    You are missing an excellent opportunity for personal entertainment here.

                    New answer every time it gets asked, with increasingly specific and esoteric details.

                    Baker. Truck driver. Folk singer. Etsy arts-and-crafts-er. House flipper. Lifestyle blogger. Retired.

                    "Nice to meet you, I'm Art Vandelay, architect...have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?"
                    “You know I’ve always wanted to pretend I was an architect!” I’m currently watching season 6. It’s still great.

                    I don’t like telling people I’m a doctor. My wife certainly does not identify as a doctors wife. It came up once in a social situation when we moved to a new city and she was trying to make some new friends at a girls night. At least one person was pretty rude and awkward and made her feel bad for being married to a doctor, implying that she was a gold digger. She tried to explain that we got married way before med school was even an idea. The person was too dense to understand. Suffice it to say, she didn’t hang out with that group again.

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                    • #25
                      Why would you want to advertise to others (outside of hospital/clinic setting) that you are a doctor or your husband/wife is a doctor? Why? Reinforce all the old fashioned american stereotypes about physicians and wives of physician's (stereotypes that are long gone)?

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by mkintx View Post

                        Go to your local medical society's "alliance" meeting or fundraising event and you will find it to be nearly entirely women, married to male doctors, who spend time in various charitable societies. I can't imagine a male spouse trying to break into that circle.
                        You go to local medical society meetings? Why?
                        Time outside of work is too precious to spend it around doctors and talk about the usual doctor problems. Who wants to spend their time in circles of charitable societies?
                        Some people live in another world.

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                        • #27
                          I would love to be a sahd, would be amazing. I do enjoy parts of work and I think talking to adults is important for both parents. However, kids are only young so long and I take that time over work for sure if money no object. I know plenty of men married to docs that are the sahd and they have no qualms and love it (as they should). Having spent some time in that role a couple times winding practices down for job changes, its underrated by the non parent spouse how difficult and all consuming it is, and rewarding.

                          Wife and I both hate the US preoccupation with job as an introductory line, its annoying. We both like to not go advertising ourselves either, prefer to fly under radar.
                          Cant stand society meetings, the worst.

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                          • #28
                            Humble brag, even by association.
                            Happens in the USof A every fall.
                            “My” college football team or “my” pro team.
                            Even youth track is amazing. A 10 year old child has a clear lead coming down to the finish. A parent stands up cheering at the top of their lungs, “THAT’s MY BABY”.
                            Graduations with the air horns the group drowning out the next graduate.
                            Sometimes, not so humble.
                            Becoming a doctor is an achievement.

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                            • #29
                              The non-working spouse here. This subject is pretty fascinating to me and my feelings about it have evolved over the 20-25 years that I’ve been married to a physician (20 years post training). It’s definitely a strange demographic in a way. I loved working, but never made, or probably wouldn’t make, significantly more than $80k. I wasn’t in medicine in any form. I was dating my future husband years before he went to medical school, but I knew that was his goal, so I guess someone could rudely say I knew the long game?

                              I quit a job that could support myself when I turned 31 and had a second baby. In the mean time, the physician husband became the kind of doctor that loves his job with a capitol L. Lots of call, lots of working on charts at home, lots of passion. It happens.

                              years 1-8 of being a non working spouse. I’m fk’d if this marriage doesn’t work out. I just quit my job! We have negative net worth. Having a good marriage and putting us on the path of financial success is my main goal. Guess what? It also makes me pretty happy! Probably not something to mention in a get to know me with another spouse.

                              year 15 of being a non working spouse. Having FU money means that at some point physician spouse may want to use it. Good bye part time passion job, hello new city, new introductions. What exactly do I say at dinner parties now? I had my script and didn’t meet many new people anyway.

                              I have a friend who is a man and also married to a passionate female physician. (FYI- by passionate I mean that they take call when asked, cover colleagues and ignore direct questions timeline for retirement).
                              My friend and I have discussed the gender differences a lot when it comes to explaining our circumstances. The truth is, we are lucky, we have choices because our spouses have the financial obligations handled beyond what our families need.

                              year 20 (almost). At 50, we have both given up trying to explain our passion projects or how much we hold down everything else because it makes life easier. I just answer, ‘I don’t work’ and move on. It’s not the most interesting thing about me. Then I probably talk about my awesome kids who are in college/hs.

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