When to have kids?

[Shareenmd]

For me having a family was my first priority, over my career. I had my first child as a 4th year medical student (at age 25), twins in my second year of residency (age 27) and my fourth child when in practice (age 31). Now I'm 43 and my three oldest kids are in high school and my youngest will be starting middle school. I love being a "young" mom and have no regrets. Life was very crazy for awhile but I had a good support system (husband, parents and in-laws) to help with the kids while I was studying and working crazy hours. I could not have done it without that support. If you have the support I say go for it! I was able to complete residency "on time" but looking back it would not have been a huge deal to take a year off of residency to be with the babies. I also think from a financial standpoint (for me and my family) it was better to have kids at a younger age. I'll be 49 when my kids leave for college and plan to work much less at that time since I'll be able to live in a smaller house and have significantly lower bills (their 529's are funded). You should never let anyone scare you out of having kids during training. If you want kids and you wait you may regret it if you find it is more difficult to get pregnant or if you want multiple kids and don't have the time to do that. For me, having 4 kids to come home to is the BEST part of my life. I hope this helps you

[nomindforfinance]

My partner is OBGYN . He was the only male in his residency class - and 3 of the 4 women in his class were pregnant at one time or another during residency, we think it was contagious. Was it annoying? A little, since he always had to take the brunt of taking extra call for the classmate that was out. Plus he is a nice person so he always volunteered to work holiday call so they could spend it with their kids. He still likes all of them, though, with no hard feelings! In fact, he was super excited about the babies once they arrived, we even babysat a few of them from time to time for fun (part of being an OBGyn I guess). Once you get out is when being gone affects REAL money and potential long term work relationships. We have a friend who just started her first attending job in Derm and she went on maternity leave about 4 months in.... She had signed her contract a year before starting, a few months before getting pregnant. I'm sure that lead to a lot of eyerolls among the partners. I think it makes more sense to do it in residency when you aren't really directly hurting one of you coworker's PROFITS on top of their schedule.

I don't remember anyone having to do any extra call, though they did schedule the one that just got back from maternity with more of the weekend call for a month or two so the others could have some time off. I'm not sure if that counts as makeup call or not.

[billy]

It's a little different as pregnant women may be more at risk to the virus and we don't really know what impact if any this has on the fetus. I'd say folks are likely to hold off trying until we know more or this blows over.

Anectodally, the last few D and Cs we did for missed abortions were all covid positive- perhaps an effect supportive of the microthrombi theory.

To the OP- there will never be a perfect time to get pregnant. So if you and your partner want one, todays a good a time to start trying as any. It is not your responsibility to figure out how it works for residency purposes, it's your programs responsibility. So dont feel guilty. Yes you may have to continue residency to make up time and graduate in september. I had a co resident who worked until she gave birth- She literally went into labor while on her SICU rotation. I would not advise that if you can control it. We covered for her calls towards the end. In the grand scheme of things, it was no big deal. Dont make it a bigger deal in your mind than it needs to be.

[Golden Rod]

We had our first during residency (PGY3), and my wife is now pregnant with number 2 (PGY5). She's surgical (urology), and the first pregnancy was pretty tough despite her program being as supportive as possible (minus the fact that she had to use all 4 weeks of vacation to get to 6 weeks off). There were a number of cases she just didn't feel comfortable doing due to the radiology exposure (even though she has nice lead), which meant she had to swap the fun OR for the not so fun clinic. On the days she operated, she would be exhausted and sometimes have to step out due to the smells. Add to that some pregnancy complications which resulted in her being an inpatient from week 30 on, with a scheduled delivery at 35 weeks, and you can imagine my surprise when she said she was ready for number two.

She specifically decided against trying for a second during residency, partially due to the impact it had on her ability to operate (which is of course a major component of her learning). Personally I think residency is a great time for having kids (great insurance, lots of coverage, etc.), but I understand the need to balance that with feeling like you've done as much as you can to be prepared for your first attending job.

There's never going to be a perfect time...but if/when you're ready, you should jump in with both feet. It's a ************************ of a ride!

[Cubicle]

I'd say folks are likely to hold off trying until we know more or this blows over.

I don't think most people are trying. I think it just happens... "oops".

[tylerjw12]

It's a little different as pregnant women may be more at risk to the virus and we don't really know what impact if any this has on the fetus. I'd say folks are likely to hold off trying until we know more or this blows over.

[JBME]

you guys know there's going to be a "baby boom" about 9 months from now, right? tends to happen after big disasters. The last "big" one was about 9 months after 9/11

[EH]

She can't take FMLA for twelve weeks? Why or why not?
Have kids when it works for you, and don't miss your chance if it's important.
What field are you in?

You are right she should have 12 weeks of fmla. I think some people chose less so they could graduate on time. Of course she should have kids now if she wants - I would have never worried about being reprimanded at my residency but still most people chose to wait. Working 70 hours a week in third trimester or with a 3 month old is just tough. Without having an exceptionally supportive partner with flexible hours or family nearby it would be hard. There were certainly not reasonable accommodations for pumping outside of a space to do so in the hospital (outpatient some would just pump in their cubicle next to me so they could work! Hopefully better now this was several years ago...). I work way fewer hours now than I did in inpatient rotations in residency (and probably more than the outpatient ones!). obviously this will vary with specific residency...

[snowcanyon]

If you want a kid now go for it. Nothing is going to change unless someone changes things up. Unfortunately having a kid is residency is tough even if your residency is pretty decent about it - 3rd year should be a bit easier especially if you can time the harder rotations for before birth. You are protected for 6-8 weeks of medical leave after birth but not after that. My kid was abysmal and patient care would have suffered if I had to go back at 6 weeks, although obviously tons of mamas do this regularly in the US and survive. Watching moms try to pump while covering icu was terrible - certain attendings would drag on and on and they would be bursting by the end. Depending on your job having a kids after residency is much easier. Folks I know take 4-6 months leave (not necessarily all paid), have scheduled pumping time with reduced patient load, much more reasonable schedules, money to pay for help, etc, etc. most people join and then pop out their 2.5 kids starting 6 months into the job...

She can't take FMLA for twelve weeks? Why or why not?
Have kids when it works for you, and don't miss your chance if it's important.
What field are you in?

[IvyMD]

If now is a good time in your relationship and life outside medicine I would second the advice to go for it. I’ve had one kid each in training and as an attending. Both were difficult in different ways - there is never a perfect time. My practice situation is family friendly and so it was feasible as an early attending but that’s not universal. Many of my friends are in contracts with poor maternity leave provisions (ranging from no defined maternity leave to only 6-8 weeks paid; I feel lucky to have had 12 weeks paid — this is something you really want to be aware of in looking at jobs).

For many of us, training sounds hard but is simpler because it’s well defined and life after training is great in many ways but it’s not the pure easy light at the end of the tunnel it’s tempting to imagine. Delaying kids can mean a higher risk of infertility (which can be enormously expensive or even make it impossible to have your own kid), lost compensation if your job doesn’t have great maternity leave benefits (even a month unpaid could cost you 17k-30k+) or just you feeling awkward about your pregnancy if you’re trying to impress a new practice / make partner / whatever (though if that’s the best time for your family ignoring those worries is reasonable—though it’s good to be dedicated, your job won’t love you back or produce family memories / cute kid art /grandkids later / etc).

[Ponyo]

We had our first in residency. Despite the program not being friendly to pregnancies, seemed that one or two residents had a kid each year while we were there. She was capped at 6 weeks, 4 of which were her annual vacation, and had to make up call. (Btw make up call BEFORE baby comes!)
It was difficult for her. "This is why female physicians should get paid less" and other nauseating tropes. You have to work harder because people will be watching you closely waiting for you to slip up. And don't complain about it, ever. People will ask with a sad face how you're doing (35 weeks and on her feet all day, no lunch and bladder is exploding. how ya think?) but never but give an inch. Don't give the naysayers any ammo.

Ultimately you gotta live your life! Try for a kid!

Thank you for sharing. This is so true and your setting seems to be really similar to my current environment including how the 4 weeks of vacation was included in the 6 weeks. I know other people are saying vacation shouldn’t be included in the 6 weeks but unfortunately I don’t think that is reality for some programs.

It’s amazing how energized I feel from all the support in this forum. It’s so powerful. Thank you so much everyone !!!

[pierre]

The PD can say what they want and try to instill fear, but certainly there is a leave policy in place, what does it say?

The acgme also has graduation requirements. Do they have a minimum hour requirement in your specialty?

If you have to extend, it's the programs responsibility to figure out your schedule, and that should be a big if.

After 5 years of trying and tens of thousands of dollars later, we had our first child 9 months ago, and she is amazing. No way I would voluntarily delay parenthood, or let some PD scare me out of it.

[goatmom]

You should not have to make up call. Maternity leave (6 weeks post birth ) is for recovery from childbirth. They do not have other people make up call from sick leave. I think that is against the GME regulations. You need to take care of yourself and getting enough rest is part of that. They can add time on the end for the weeks you missed. That is to be expected.

[tylerjw12]

We had our first in residency. Despite the program not being friendly to pregnancies, seemed that one or two residents had a kid each year while we were there. She was capped at 6 weeks, 4 of which were her annual vacation, and had to make up call. (Btw make up call BEFORE baby comes!)
It was difficult for her. "This is why female physicians should get paid less" and other nauseating tropes. You have to work harder because people will be watching you closely waiting for you to slip up. And don't complain about it, ever. People will ask with a sad face how you're doing (35 weeks and on her feet all day, no lunch and bladder is exploding. how ya think?) but never but give an inch. Don't give the naysayers any ammo.

Ultimately you gotta live your life! Try for a kid!

[goatmom]

Wow. I thoughts times have changed with extended maternity leave, paternity leave, FMLA, and limits on resident's hours. If this is a good time for you to have a baby - I would encourage you to do so. Waiting can make things harder. Being a new attending is not a great time either. I got flack from other residents when I got pregnant during residency. It was really tough at the time. Just to stick it to them I went ahead and had a second baby. Best of luck!