Advice wanted for future female EM physician!

[tex]

Agree with others reassurance regarding your financial situation. Just a thought re: REI while in training... I noticed you said you will be finishing around 35. Take a look at your insurance - if it covers REI that is a relative rarity in the insurance world and may be worth taking advantage of in your last year, depending on your personal situation at the time of course. Particularly if you have anything that can contribute to infertility besides age - oligo/amenorrhea, PCOS, fibroids, etc - if it's significantly subsidized, you might consider it.

[tex]

duplicate

[canadianoutlaw]

Agree with previous comments. Also previously active topic in the forum about having kids later in life:

https://www.whitecoatinvestor.com/forums/topic/having-kids-later-in-life/

[SValleyMD]

Not sure if you would qualify but worth looking into the NIH loan repayment program if you're doing dedicated research. I believe it's 20 hours a week for 2 years which isn't tracked extremely closely.. they allowed me to "avg" my time over 2 years so if you crank full time that can make up for the slow months. Can qualify for 35k per year

[DMFA]

Residency is basically one giant human rights violation. That being said, if ceteris paribus those residency years are right for you to end up having children, do it. You can make the money back (less lost earnings in residency anyway). You might have to take the boards a year later depending on how much time you miss...but if having kids is important to you in your life, then be a human being first and worry about dollars/cents and GME junk afterward.

[MrsIMDoc]

Seriously look for a residency not in a small, conservative town. It made all the difference in the world for me to go to a residency with other people like me.  I also agree with the other advice about online dating because that is how I met my husband (granted probably won't be happening as much while in Uganda).

[squirrel]

I didn't even finish all my training until I was 38.  I think being ahead with life experience served me well though. Did I miss out on years of MD income?  Of course, but with your head on straight and focused financially you will be light years ahead of so many others in your med school class, guaranteed. You are doing great.  You will still have a whole career ahead of you and like WCI said, you will make up for it quickly if you make the right decisions in residency and the first few years out.  I am male, so I will defer to other female colleagues about some of your concerns, but I would also tell you we just had twins (wife 41, Im 42), and no there was no fertility assistance.

Good luck, and enjoy the journey!

[sbridge514]

Wow, I am so happy to see so many responses!  I was a bit hesitant to post (you all know how in medical school you are trained to not show weakness) but I'm glad I did. Thank you all -- this seriously makes me feel a lot better!

It has been a bit hard for me because I am a very different situation than most of my class -- I go to a medical school in a small, conservative city where the majority of my classmates are younger than me, conservative, married, have children already and aren't in a similar situation as me. If anyone has taken a year out, it has been to do a "research year" where they have kids; I instead left a bad relationship and took a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work on an HIV/AIDS clinical trial in Uganda. It has been cool to be traveling a different path than the average med student at my school, but I am coming to find that the path less traveled is less traveled because it is hard!

Many of my mentors and clinical instructors are in a similar boat as my classmates so I don't feel like many people I know can relate to my life, nor can serve as good life mentors. Most of my clinical instructors/mentors came to my institution because they were married and where I live is a great place to have kids. I also don't know many people who work in global health at my institution (though there are a few).

Also, I'm the only person who has gone to med school in my entire family (both sides, immediate and extended) save my grandfather who was a pathologist but died several years ago, before I started med school.  Many of my friends in med school have parents or family members in medicine, so I feel like I have nobody in my family who can relate to my concerns. My mom met my dad at age 23, was married by 26 and had my brother at age 32 and she wants grandkids soon (but ain't none coming from me anytime soon), and she can't relate to the difficulties of dating as a medical student, nor give advice about marrying later or having kids later.  My non-medical friends stagger at the amount of debt I'm in too so it just makes me worry more!

It has been hard for me to not worry since I feel like kind of an outsider in my current medical community and I don't feel like I have many people around me to give good advice.  But honestly, thank you all for the thoughtful responses -- I was starting to get pretty bummed out about my age, singledom and huge debt burden, but now I feel a lot better.   

[RocDoc]

Agree with all the others above. You're doing great and are far ahead just to be thinking about all these things. Get financially educated by reading the books WCI recommends and reading the blog and forum. You'll be fine!

 

[G]

Add me to the others who say not to panic, you're doing great!

[conniebird]

Agree with Sneezy - if meeting someone to marry and have a family is important to you - def make it a priority and get out there! When I moved back after residency I literally joined multiple dating apps and started dating immediately. Met fiancé on a dating app.

[PhysicianOnFIRE]

You can relax. You're not in a bad spot at all. If you're willing to work and live like a resident, you could be making between $300,000 and $400,000 a year based on current pay rates.

Your loans could be paid off in 2 years. You'll be 37. With an $80,000 a year spending budget, you could be financially independent in ten years or less. Or live on half your pay and you're there with a higher budget allowance in about fifteen.

Family, marriage, etc... could alter the equation for better or worse, but I imagine you'll do well in any situation. The fact that you're concerned are brave enough to share your concerns with us says a lot about your character.

Best,

-PoF

 

[Sneezy]

I can't help with fertility issues, but have a similar story in some ways.  I took 3 years off before medical school and then spent 4 years getting a Ph.D so didn't finish training until age 38, although I didn't have any debt.  I don't really use my Ph.D. but am still glad I did it.  I am in a pediatric subspecialty that pays okay but not great.  I did residency and fellowship in a HCOL area and had my kids in 4th year medical school and 3rd year of residency.  My spouse has stayed-at-home throughout.  I am 51 and approaching financial independence

1.  99% of people in the US would love to be in your situation financially.  Sure you have some debts, but you'll earn okay during residency and very highly after

2. Get out there and meet potential spouses.  No one sits around and hopes they'll get into medical school, so don't sit around hoping you'll meet the right person.  The more people you meet the more potential spouses

3. You need to be more aware than some about finances, loan forgiveness, etc.  I move to a very LCOL (but academic) job after fellowship because I couldn't afford to stay where I was.  I worked hard, did some research and was able to move back after 7 years at a pay level much higher than typical for my specialty (but less than I could make in some private practices, life is about trade offs)

4. Look for opportunities to increase income in residency and fellowship.  I moonlit so much in our pediatric ED as a fellow that the attendings joked I should do a combined fellowship.  I also worked covering a primary care office and the extra money I made many years (30k now almost 20 years ago) allowed my spouse to stay home, which was the best choice for our family

 

[drcolleen]

The mere fact that you are thinking about your financial future says a lot, you'll be fine.  Enjoy life but don't spend more money unless it increases your happiness.  I was a bit younger but didn't meet my husband until 3rd yr of med school by chance -- he's not medical and wasn't a student -- so if you want a family you can't time these things, but you have plenty of time.  Don't get so worried about the future that you don't enjoy the present!

[Hatton]

I am a female ob/gyn. I think you are way ahead actually because you are thinking about these issues now.  I felt like I was flying without a net for years as a single female student/ resident/ attending.  there is time for the right person to appear.  Your biological clock has many years left on it.