Having kids later in life

[ddscook]

I'm in private practice, husband is in final year of 5 year residency and has a 1 year fellowship coming up. We're both 31 with no kids and plan to wait until his attending year when we're finally done moving around the country.

 

Just out of my personal curiosity, how many people here are having kids later in life?

[jz]

[Edited for mild rudeness. It would have flown in the lounge, but not here.- WCI]

[conniebird]

[Edited for mild rudeness. It would have flown in the lounge, but not here.- WCI]

[conniebird]

You're talking about a few years. You will still be young to have kids. Pls excuse the rude comment above. Just know that there is no great time to have kids. I am much much older than you and we are trying for one now. Yes I know I'm out of the fertile window but it is possible. Didn't meet the right person until later in life and was not going to do it on my own (I know women who have though).

[Psyched]

Cant say I agree with that kind of snarky reply. I got married at age 30, child #1 at age 31, currently due with child #2 two months after I will turn 34. Zero issues with fertility. Done after that by choice. I am healthy, a healthy weight, and had an easy first pregnancy and feeling pretty good all around this time too. I bounced back fairly easily, although I definitely underestimated how long it would take me to feel "normal" again with healing, sleep deprivation,etc. I dont regret anything because I worked hard/had fun in my 20s and now in my 30s am done with training, out of debt, and in a great lifestyle specialty. I feel like being a fairly new mother in my 30s I am mature, financially stable, and able to handle the life change of having children well. I don't feel like I am any more tired than family members who had kids in their 20s and if anything I feel less burned out. Lets face it, once you have kids, you really are quite limited for several years at least in free time, travel, etc etc even with lots of family and other help. For these reasons I wouldn't change a thing and have no regrets. Others are free to have differing opinions but this has been my experience

[jz]

[Edited for mild rudeness. It would have flown in the lounge, but not here.- WCI]

[ddscook]

[Edited for mild rudeness. It would have flown in the lounge, but not here.- WCI]

 

@conniebird, @psyched

Thank you for your insightful comments.

 

 

[RogueDadMD]

[Edited for mild rudeness. It would have flown in the lounge, but not here.- WCI]

[RogueDadMD]

ddscook wrote:

I’m in private practice, husband is in final year of 5 year residency and has a 1 year fellowship coming up. We’re both 31 with no kids and plan to wait until his attending year when we’re finally done moving around the country.

 

Just out of my personal curiosity, how many people here are having kids later in life?

Click to expand...

To give additional helpful perspective, I did not have kids "later" in life but know many many physicians (men and women) who have had kids in their 30s.  It's all relative to how many kids you want and many other factors, but it's quite feasible to have 2 kids in your early to mid 30s without being concerned about health issues.  If you're thinking about 3+ then depending on how you space them out and being aware of the possibility of fertility issues, you may end up having the last child close at age 40+.

If you are employed in a flexible job (or if you are not working outside the home) then it's worth giving consideration to having a child during fellowship, but that decision may also be based on things I know nothing about (family support, how easy/hard his schedule will be, how likely are you to move right after fellowship, your own future employment plans), etc.

This is as personal of a decision as it gets, but if he's a surgeon (guessing he is based on the 5 year residency + 1 year fellowship), his schedule may not be much better as an attending (could be much worse depending on what he's doing), so you may want to factor that in as well.

[VagabondMD]

Our son was born (adopted) when I was 33 and wife (non-MD) was 34. Our daughter came along two and one-half years later. Obviously, there are pros and cons to having children earlier vs. later, but in our case, we were not married until 31/32, so it's not like we waited around a long time.

[G]

Our one and only was when I was 36 and she 40.  We paid a fair bit of money to try for more, but no success.  As you undoubtedly know, fertility declines through the 30s and then drops off a cliff at 41.  Fertility issues aside, it was fun to be child-less for awhile on an attending salary!

[RocDoc]

One of my good friends (husband and wife are both doctors) had two kids when the wife was age 42 and 44. She is a geriatrician and husband is a rheumatologist. They are two of the best parents I know and their kids are great. They get a little tired looking after the kids sometimes but what parent of any age doesn't?! I think the fact they were a little older when they had kids makes them more patient and very insightful with the kids. They also had significant resources saved by the time they had kids so they can afford to decrease their workload as needed to accommodate fun family activities.

[drcolleen]

From a working professional's perspective I did not have kids later in life, from a national average I did -- #1 was born my PGY2 yr @ age 28, #2 age 30, #3 32, #4 I had just turned 35 and he is 9mo old.    I've had miscarriages but they were before #1 and x2 between #1 and 2 so not likely age related.  Our kids were born in 3 different states and I don't think our moves affected them much.  My husband turned 40 after #4 and I'm sure he doesn't want more children and being able to enjoy our time after kids while we are still young enough will be good too.

Timing of kids is a personal decision, I would hesitate to recommend putting it off too long if it is something important to you but a year in your early 30s is less likely to make a big difference in your fertility --if you were 40 that'd be different.  But as someone mentioned above, if you want a big family you may want to start sooner as birth spacing of 2 yrs is recommended to reduce risks.

Kids certainly change things, when you are ready go for it!

[The White Coat Investor]

ddscook wrote:

I’m in private practice, husband is in final year of 5 year residency and has a 1 year fellowship coming up. We’re both 31 with no kids and plan to wait until his attending year when we’re finally done moving around the country.

 

Just out of my personal curiosity, how many people here are having kids later in life?

Click to expand...

Is 32 later now? Shoot, we had our first one at 29/26 and our last one at 40/37. I think early 30s are fine. I think waiting til near/after 40 is a huge gamble. If you only want one or two you can wait a lot longer than if you want four to six.

All that said, I have friends who wanted to be done having kids by 30. The theory was they'd all be out of the house by 50. Some merits to that approach too.

We really enjoyed those 5 married years we had without kids, but I'll be nearly 60 before the nest empties.

[Sneezedoc]

We had 2 "residency/fellowship" babies and 2 "attending" babies, first at age 31 & the last at age 42...so YES...Its your life, don't let others talk you in-to or out of what you decide is right for you.