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Is time with my kids worth $1M?

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  • Debt Free DDS
    replied
    It's worth even more than that. It's a tough decision I understand though.

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  • White.Beard.Doc
    replied
    If your spouse makes significantly more than you do, the extra 30k per year in foregone savings is not going to make a huge difference in the future. It might mean working a bit longer, but those are the choices we make when having kids. Maybe cut some unnecessary expenses elsewhere so you have enough time with your children.

    In our family we always had one half of us more focused on home. The doctor worked and the lawyer stayed home with the kids for many years until the children were in high school. It put a damper on the legal career, but that was a joint decision we made and we were both happy with it. We are on the later end of those decisions now and we have more than enough to retire, so it worked out just fine for us.

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  • Lordosis
    replied
    Kids are really important. They are the most important thing in my life. however they are not the only important thing in my life. if they were the only important thing in my life I know I would be highly disappointed when I am no longer the most important thing in their life. It is imperative to have your own interests. Be that your spouse, career, hobbies etc. Striking a balance is key. I would not abandon my career for the sole point of taking care of children when I could have both.

    ​​​​​​

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  • mianesmd
    replied
    Overall if you can afford it and you'd be able to maintain your lifestyle I'd say more time with your kiddos is worth it. If you work and make more money you can buy a lot of things, but you can't buy more time. Everyone's work-life balance is going to be struck at a different level, but when I think of my colleagues with the best family lives they tend to be the ones who have chosen to limit their roles in the department and possibly be part time. The people who are always stuck in meetings or operating late have a greater tendency to be divorced or estranged from their kids. Like I said this is different for everybody and it's important to be satisfied with your career, but this is just what it seems like from what I've seen.

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  • Emma Li
    replied
    My opinion is that depends on your current household income. If you guys are living comfortably, I wouldn't give up on the extra time you have with your kids. However, if you personally prefer to work more and it makes you a happier person, I say go for it.

    My husband and I both work at very demanding jobs but we love what we do. I believe it's important that a healthy family has not only happy kids, but happy parents.

    Leave a comment:


  • Lordosis
    replied
    Hopefully the fisherman's plan A has him saving 20% towards retirement.

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  • Jack_Sparrow
    replied
    An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

    The Mexican replied, “only a little while.”

    The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish?

    The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.

    The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

    The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, and stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.”

    The American scoffed. “I have an MBA from Harvard, and can help you,” he said. “You should spend more time fishing, and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, and eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middle-man, you could sell directly to the processor, eventually opening up your own cannery. You could control the product, processing, and distribution,” he said. “Of course, you would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles, and eventually to New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

    The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

    To which the American replied, “Oh, 15 to 20 years or so.”

    “But what then?” asked the Mexican.

    The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time was right, you would announce an IPO, and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions!”

    “Millions – then what?”

    The American said, “Then you could retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you could sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, and stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play guitar with your amigos.”

    Leave a comment:


  • StarTrekDoc
    replied
    Yes - Quality > Quantity.   This is why during the early years we felt it was fine for nanny/housekeeper expense while we both made hay.  As they got older, there was higher demand for quality time with the kids.   The concerts, games, learning to ride bike or shoot the ball or climb the tree.  Going out apple picking and hiking along the ridge or weekend getaways for family down time.

    Few remember the daily food, pickup, household chores, laundry or groceries shopping.

    So be aware of the timing when calculating the worth.

    Leave a comment:


  • HumbleInvestor
    replied
    I showed this thread title to my kid and he thinks it's not worth it. Granted he thinks $100 is a ton of money at his age but he also wishes one of us spend more time with them as their friends stay at home parents do walking them to school etc. We have 9-6 schedule to start with and think we spend enough time with them but our kids dont think we do.

    Note to self: just spending time with them is not enough, make it worth it for them.

    Leave a comment:


  • goatmom
    replied
    I always say that my teenagers have been more time intensive in some ways than my infants.  Driving to activities, getting to know their friends, listening to their stories, making sure they are keeping up on their schoolwork etc.  It is much harder to pay someone to do a good job raising your teenagers than to find someone to care for an infant.  I would guess near impossible. Sounds like you don't need to work full time and that you rather not work full time.  Spend time with your kids. You won't regret it.

     

    Leave a comment:


  • Tim
    replied
    @MSooner,
    My wife told me about a conversation my mom had with her when my first born was due. Subject: plans for working. The advice:
    1 tough but manageable
    2 huge struggle but yours truly needs to really step up
    3 backbreaker, kids need someone to raise them
    No opinion given about working, just “take good care of my grandkids.

    We stopped at 2. Time off during middle school and then a desire for resuming a work life. As you said, it’s about life. We probably scaled back living some, but it wasn’t a factor. At some point, my guess is you will do something career wise again, for you not the cash.

    FYI, I am one of 5, spouse one of 7. Things get crowded but it’s all good.

    Leave a comment:


  • MSooner
    replied
    I worked full time (part time for a bit, but it was hard fought battle to get and in the end part time was no longer an option) until our 3rd child was born. At that point trying to handle it all was unsustainable and I wasn't loving my job anyway. 3 years (and another kid) later I'm happy I made the decision. Our lives are calmer, I am happier, and our marriage is stronger. I don't feel a sinking feeling on Sunday nights anymore as I try and get it all done before the weekend ends. Part time might have been a different story, but I didn't have that option so it is hard to make that comparison. I'm not really sure how our family would run if I went back to work full time, without hiring significant extra help. We both feel like we are living life more than just surviving it.

    Mostly though, I think a lot of it depends on your overall income. If my husband was making a training salary forever, I might be more inclined to go back. As it stands, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for me to go back unless I truly wanted to. We were actually talking yesterday about how much it would suck to feel like I had to work when he has easily replaced my income with relatively easy moonlighting as a fellow (obviously not a common situation). The bottom line is he can just make money a ************************ of a lot easier than I can right now, so we focus our efforts there. That might be something to look into? Overall, though if your financial situation isn't dire (crazy loans) and your spouse is making a physician income, I'd be inclined to say you are overthinking things by worrying about that $30K. There are probably significantly easier ways to earn or save that amount than going back full time.

    Leave a comment:


  • Tim
    replied


    Do you have any advice for comparing the value of intangibles like *more* time with kids *now* versus more time with kids
    Click to expand...


    If think the question really depends on the "real needs" of the kids and value to them. Most parents would accept a debt of a million and spend everything if means that much for their kids.  I have no problem with parents "sacrificing" for their kids.

    The real question is it the value to the kids or to you? I would gladly work a number of years and assume debt to provide for my kids needs. I would also invest my time in my kids have a need as well. Can't put a price on raising kids, its kind of a crap shoot too.

    Leave a comment:


  • G
    replied


    Now with teenagers who don’t remember anything about those early years, we feel the need to be more present than ever.  They have tons of activities, and we want to be there to cheer them on.  They have social stresses and, again, we want to be there for them.  They will definitely remember these years.  At the same time, they see how hard I work, and they definitely respect that.  I want to model hard work and dedication, so there’s a fine balance.
    Click to expand...


    I was present in the early years (more for my enjoyment) and now finding that my presence is more and more required (even if it is to the detriment of my enjoyment!).

    So far, no regrets about being home/available instead of being at work.

    Leave a comment:


  • mkintx
    replied
    I find it fascinating how many people want to stay home until their kids are in school.  For us, those early years were some of the easiest in a lot of ways.  Daycare had long hours and stayed open all year long.  No spreadsheets of camps to ensure they'd be looked after over the summer.  No worrying about their getting their homework done. The kids' activities were *our* activities.

    Now with teenagers who don't remember anything about those early years, we feel the need to be more present than ever.  They have tons of activities, and we want to be there to cheer them on.  They have social stresses and, again, we want to be there for them.  They will definitely remember these years.  At the same time, they see how hard I work, and they definitely respect that.  I want to model hard work and dedication, so there's a fine balance.  Our balance entailed my spouse moving to part time when the kids were older, and may or may not go back to full time when they are both in college. With college close on the horizon, any time my kids want me to spend time with them is precious.  I have no regrets, however, about both of us working full time when they were little.

    Leave a comment:

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