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I’m having a bit of an existential crisis (that at least partly relates to money), so I wonder if the wise minds here would weigh in.
When I was doing MD/PhD, I felt like the opportunities were endless. I had a research collaboration going on that had me flying across the country every week for access to “top secret” drugs I had negotiated access to from a pharma company. I was filing patent applications and publishing papers. My friends were taking leaves from med school to start companies and talking to VC people. They were having lavish weddings and driving luxury cars. My spouse finished an engineering PhD and got a high-flying job in med device R&D, where she quickly upset the place by bringing in (literally) millions in external funding as a 20-something-year-old new hire.
We didn’t live too lavishly, but we also didn’t give money much thought because it seemed like our future opportunities were so great that whatever expenses we incurred were just part of the game. Wife bought a new car (a reasonable one on the low end of the “luxury car” scale, and we paid cash for it…), because it really seemed like someone in her position needed to show success (all the VPs at her job had luxury cars, so…). Likewise, we spent on nice professional clothing, etc.
I’m certain there were med student peers who were juggling families while counting pennies. But, to us, everything seemed like the future was just so ************************ promising that we’d be silly to worry about money, now.
Then the match. I got interviews at top-tier schools, but will frankly admit that they’d be a stretch given my (average) board scores. I ended up at a reputable university program – probably a peer of my med school – but it seems much less glamorous. Went from a “trendy” city to a very un-trendy one.
Wife gave up her job to follow me, and quickly found a new job (making more money, even) – the new company is smaller, and fawned all over her (based on her prior experiences) – but the work she’s doing is “grunt work” and she isn’t challenged. More, she feels like her colleagues are many “notches” below her old colleagues (intellectually, socially, culturally, etc).
Objectively, we’re better off. I’d have liked to jump to a higher-prestige tier of school, but I realize I should be grateful to have matched where I did. Some of my med school peers jumped to Stanford, UCLA, etc, but I realize that others in our group got sent to rural community programs. My wife has a less stressful job making more money. We have a nicer house, and generally better quality of life. But it feels like things are no longer limitless – I feel like we very abruptly hit the limit.
Before, we never thought about money. There was enough of it to do what we needed, and we assumed lots more was coming in the future. I suppose that’s still true, but we seem to have hit the sudden realization that me being a hospitalist at a community hospital and making $250k/yr may be the end of our upward trajectory. My wife has wanted to semi-retire once I start practicing, but the idea of our “final” income being ~250-300k/yr has us rethinking that. Obviously we can live very comfortably, and we know we should be extremely grateful for the good luck, mentoring, and hard work that got us here, but this never felt like it was supposed to be the end of the ride, as it were. We never endeavored to be mega-millionaires, but we thought we’d easily get to the point where we could spend without worrying too much. As it stands, we feel guilty shopping at Whole Foods.
Is this a case of “more is never enough”? Should I be seeking out CPA or a SSRI prescription?
When I was doing MD/PhD, I felt like the opportunities were endless. I had a research collaboration going on that had me flying across the country every week for access to “top secret” drugs I had negotiated access to from a pharma company. I was filing patent applications and publishing papers. My friends were taking leaves from med school to start companies and talking to VC people. They were having lavish weddings and driving luxury cars. My spouse finished an engineering PhD and got a high-flying job in med device R&D, where she quickly upset the place by bringing in (literally) millions in external funding as a 20-something-year-old new hire.
We didn’t live too lavishly, but we also didn’t give money much thought because it seemed like our future opportunities were so great that whatever expenses we incurred were just part of the game. Wife bought a new car (a reasonable one on the low end of the “luxury car” scale, and we paid cash for it…), because it really seemed like someone in her position needed to show success (all the VPs at her job had luxury cars, so…). Likewise, we spent on nice professional clothing, etc.
I’m certain there were med student peers who were juggling families while counting pennies. But, to us, everything seemed like the future was just so ************************ promising that we’d be silly to worry about money, now.
Then the match. I got interviews at top-tier schools, but will frankly admit that they’d be a stretch given my (average) board scores. I ended up at a reputable university program – probably a peer of my med school – but it seems much less glamorous. Went from a “trendy” city to a very un-trendy one.
Wife gave up her job to follow me, and quickly found a new job (making more money, even) – the new company is smaller, and fawned all over her (based on her prior experiences) – but the work she’s doing is “grunt work” and she isn’t challenged. More, she feels like her colleagues are many “notches” below her old colleagues (intellectually, socially, culturally, etc).
Objectively, we’re better off. I’d have liked to jump to a higher-prestige tier of school, but I realize I should be grateful to have matched where I did. Some of my med school peers jumped to Stanford, UCLA, etc, but I realize that others in our group got sent to rural community programs. My wife has a less stressful job making more money. We have a nicer house, and generally better quality of life. But it feels like things are no longer limitless – I feel like we very abruptly hit the limit.
Before, we never thought about money. There was enough of it to do what we needed, and we assumed lots more was coming in the future. I suppose that’s still true, but we seem to have hit the sudden realization that me being a hospitalist at a community hospital and making $250k/yr may be the end of our upward trajectory. My wife has wanted to semi-retire once I start practicing, but the idea of our “final” income being ~250-300k/yr has us rethinking that. Obviously we can live very comfortably, and we know we should be extremely grateful for the good luck, mentoring, and hard work that got us here, but this never felt like it was supposed to be the end of the ride, as it were. We never endeavored to be mega-millionaires, but we thought we’d easily get to the point where we could spend without worrying too much. As it stands, we feel guilty shopping at Whole Foods.
Is this a case of “more is never enough”? Should I be seeking out CPA or a SSRI prescription?
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