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Flying across country to take your teen to meet an online friend?

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  • #61
    Originally posted by Nysoz View Post
    Ultimately have to figure where this is going to end up. Are they looking to remain friends or something more?

    I dated a girl for 3 years that I met while playing world of Warcraft. Granted we were both adults and 1 hour away, not a plane ride away in another country. We even did long distance around 6 hours away for a while before it got to be too much with med school.

    Personally I’d have your son think about what he wants realistically. Just friends for now would be great and you can just chat online through discord or FaceTime just fine. If they want in person time together they have to put in the effort too. Both he and she should work to finance their portion of the trips somehow. If you don’t feel comfortable with your son going on a trip by himself before 18 then you can continue to do the family trips there. Toronto is a great city to visit anyways.

    I’d also get to know the other parents to feel comfortable with them and they with you so she can come visit you guys as well. Once they turn 18 then they can do whatever they want.
    Interesting perspective. What is the role of parenting in teaching their children to make good decisions? Of course one can debate the meaning of “good”.

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    • #62
      Originally posted by AR View Post

      I'm not really looking at this from a financial angle at all. I mean if the kid somehow comes up with the money, do we drive him to the airport and wish him luck?
      Yeah that doesn’t sound practical. I would circle back to them remaining online friends.

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      • #63
        Originally posted by CordMcNally View Post

        There’s rarely anything of substance that he adds so those are generally posts you can ignore and not really miss anything.
        I usually just scroll by the text wall rants but happen to catch my name this time. Am I usually targeted for no reason? Maybe I need to pay more attention. Maybe less...

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        • #64
          Originally posted by Lordosis View Post

          I usually just scroll by the text wall rants but happen to catch my name this time. Am I usually targeted for no reason? Maybe I need to pay more attention. Maybe less...
          IDK but I perceive you as one of this group’s most beloved members. And if you haven’t already weighed in I’d be interested in your fatherly thoughts.

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          • #65
            Originally posted by Lordosis View Post

            I usually just scroll by the text wall rants but happen to catch my name this time. Am I usually targeted for no reason? Maybe I need to pay more attention. Maybe less...
            I know, weird. You're very pleasant. I on the other hand admit to being kinda trollish. Why not, we're all internet acquaintances, or at least those who didn't fly across the country so some random money conference to meet each other. Now that'd legit. Unless parents were against it. See trollish.
            Last edited by burritos; 02-13-2022, 06:50 AM.

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            • #66
              Originally posted by Nysoz View Post
              Ultimately have to figure where this is going to end up. Are they looking to remain friends or something more?

              I dated a girl for 3 years that I met while playing world of Warcraft. Granted we were both adults and 1 hour away, not a plane ride away in another country. We even did long distance around 6 hours away for a while before it got to be too much with med school.

              Personally I’d have your son think about what he wants realistically. Just friends for now would be great and you can just chat online through discord or FaceTime just fine. If they want in person time together they have to put in the effort too. Both he and she should work to finance their portion of the trips somehow. If you don’t feel comfortable with your son going on a trip by himself before 18 then you can continue to do the family trips there. Toronto is a great city to visit anyways.

              I’d also get to know the other parents to feel comfortable with them and they with you so she can come visit you guys as well. Once they turn 18 then they can do whatever they want.
              I ask him, and he responds with "meh" like answers. At least I ask, I suppose. He knows he can turn to me if he wants, but I'm a tool per my kids(and 90% of this board likely concurs). My parents didn't ask me anything. Granted I was much older, but when I was in college and med school I I sustained a few distant crushes. I didn't see anything beyond 6 months as to what I wanted. I did fly/train out to see them a few times. Nothing panned out course because reality sets it.

              A 15 y/o knows squat IMO. And I also suspect this ends up in the dust bin. But my thinking is this could be a learning process. It's not really that big of a lift for us. Likely when they tire of each other we won't have to worry about bumping into each other at the local grocery store.

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              • #67
                Originally posted by StateOfMyHead View Post

                IDK but I perceive you as one of this group’s most beloved members. And if you haven’t already weighed in I’d be interested in your fatherly thoughts.
                My oldest is 7. I have not had to worry about this kind of stuff yet. I don't see myself doing something like this though.

                Now if the OP were to bike cross country with his son I could get behind that!

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                • #68
                  Originally posted by burritos View Post

                  I ask him, and he responds with "meh" like answers. At least I ask, I suppose. He knows he can turn to me if he wants, but I'm a tool per my kids(and 90% of this board likely concurs). My parents didn't ask me anything. Granted I was much older, but when I was in college and med school I I sustained a few distant crushes. I didn't see anything beyond 6 months as to what I wanted. I did fly/train out to see them a few times. Nothing panned out course because reality sets it.

                  A 15 y/o knows squat IMO. And I also suspect this ends up in the dust bin. But my thinking is this could be a learning process. It's not really that big of a lift for us. Likely when they tire of each other we won't have to worry about bumping into each other at the local grocery store.
                  Yep. At that age all adults are tools and they don’t know squat.

                  If you’re bank rolling and allowing these trips I’d want better answers than meh, but that’s just me. Good luck with this learning experience for you and your son/family.

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                  • #69
                    Originally posted by Lordosis View Post

                    I usually just scroll by the text wall rants but happen to catch my name this time. Am I usually targeted for no reason? Maybe I need to pay more attention. Maybe less...
                    Did a metamorphosis of Lordosis to FLP occur that I missed?

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                    • #70
                      Originally posted by Kamban View Post

                      Did a metamorphosis of Lordosis to FLP occur that I missed?
                      I think I am still me?

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Originally posted by Nysoz View Post

                        Yep. At that age all adults are tools and they don’t know squat.

                        If you’re bank rolling and allowing these trips I’d want better answers than meh, but that’s just me. Good luck with this learning experience for you and your son/family.
                        The "meh" question is about as affirmative as I'll get from him at this point in his life. Most answers from him are "No". I'm not necessarily rooting for a postive/negative outcome whatever that may look like, so long as no physical or legal harm happens to anyone,. Emotional separation pain or gradual disinterest are likely outcomes. Long term union very very low likelihood. Someday maybe at a Thanksgiving dinner someone will say, "Remember that time when your parents took you to Toronto a couple of times to hang out with so and so? Yeah that was cool/stupid/waste of time/foolish/nice/fill in the blank. By the feedback I'm getting "stupid" is trending high.
                        Last edited by burritos; 02-13-2022, 10:48 AM.

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                        • #72
                          Originally posted by Lordosis View Post

                          I usually just scroll by the text wall rants but happen to catch my name this time. Am I usually targeted for no reason? Maybe I need to pay more attention. Maybe less...
                          No, you’re pretty much paying the right amount of attention already, but less is not a bad option either.

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                          • #73
                            The risks are close to non-existent for someone you already met meeting again in public. You sound like you don't want to go. Own that. Maybe send them off to the same summer camp instead - although that would give them a lot more chances to get into private trouble.

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                            • #74
                              Originally posted by Shant View Post
                              The risks are close to non-existent for someone you already met meeting again in public. You sound like you don't want to go. Own that. Maybe send them off to the same summer camp instead - although that would give them a lot more chances to get into private trouble.
                              Last several spring breaks we have gone to the Rockies for skiing. I've read that super cheap season tickets last year and lack of staffing has made the experience a parking lot. Is there skiing near Toronto? Don't want to go to Ottawa. That's a parking a lot.

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                              • #75
                                Originally posted by burritos View Post

                                The "meh" question is about as affirmative as I'll get from him at this point in his life. Most answers from him are "No". I'm not necessarily rooting for a postive/negative outcome whatever that may look like, so long as no physical or legal harm happens to anyone,. Emotional separation pain or gradual disinterest are likely outcomes. Long term union very very low likelihood. Someday maybe at a Thanksgiving dinner someone will say, "Remember that time when your parents took you to Toronto a couple of times to hang out with so and so? Yeah that was cool/stupid/waste of time/foolish/nice/fill in the blank. By the feedback I'm getting "stupid" is trending high.
                                My brother married his grade school girlfriend. I wonder what your new DIL will say? You might not be allowed to handle the grand kids alone. Proven poor judgement? The joke might be on you! Oh well.

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