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Flying across country to take your teen to meet an online friend?

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  • #31
    Originally posted by Anne View Post
    If you want a family trip to Toronto and they get to hang out as a small part of it, sure why not. But sounds like you already did that not too long ago. Probably time for her to pester her parents to take a family trip to where you are if she wants to see your son that much. And if she doesn’t, well that’s your answer too.
    They're poor per her. And traveling on a whim is a feature of this family(not me, my wife). One time after a trip to aspen/snowmass, my wife decided she wanted to again 1 month later for a conference and she doesn't ski.

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    • #32
      I would but I will ask the kid to pay for his plane ticket or make other personal sacrifices; otherwise this can escalate quickly. Toronto this year, maybe penpal in Paris or London next year ...

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      • #33
        Bonkers. But do what works for your family.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by burritos View Post

          Online discord gaming channel.

          For better or worse, our lazy parenting habits have allowed them to have free rein online, though they are not on line not in their rooms, but in our family room where we screen together.

          Good question on where this goes. No where? Could it be an transient social developmental experience?

          Of course there are girls in his school, I tell him to engage with them. He doesn't obey. So now what? Unlike most 15 y/o boys who have it together, he's awkward face to face. So would shuttling him somewhere far and away allow him to develop some social skills that might no happen de novo at home? Or is this just rationalizing on my part?

          I don't understand it either. Should I just facilitate and go along with the ride? Should I parent(whatever that means and I have still yet to sign up for the online course)?
          You have to be pretty careful on discord. It's a kind of a breeding ground for white supremacist type stuff and other things you probably don't want your kid involved in. My son is on there but it's only his school friends. He knows what would happen if he started chatting with randos.

          Awkward 15 yo's are pretty normal. I just don't think I'd be willing to increase social development by flying across the country to make it happen. Feels pretty extreme. I'd likely just let something like this run its course online. But you do you, you don't have to justify any of this to us of course.

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          • #35
            Modern day summer camp variation.

            OP - you've already met twice before. My niece did same a few years ago with gaming internet buddy. Did the 'museum' visit geofence thing and worked out fine.

            Yes, have to be careful and appears legit meetup done.

            People plan family vacations for this stuff these days. Broader geofencing would be theme park and one we've used.

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            • #36
              The kid is in puberty... he is trying to get his trick wet at any and all cost (to you). Use logic here.

              There are tons of girls in SoCal he can practice with. Save your money. Stop the insanity. This is a manufactured crisis since he probably has no clue about sexuality, lacks peer or adults to model, and is trying to pick what seems to be low-hanging female fruit. Is he in sports where he would have masculine men as coaches or teammates who are chased by women as much as they chase? Doubtful.
              Teach him use of skill and not to waste time chasing rainbows. He is acting like a desperate fool since he doesn't know any other way and he feels he wants to finish what he started (classic beta male concept of relationship equity... falling in love with 'friend,' coworker, etc... beta feeling they deserve intimacy since they put in time or money). Someone needs to pull the plug and rip off the beta romantic male band aid before he is going to Thailand at age 50 for the woman of his dreams, who mysteriously needs wire transfers weekly.

              This is much less a question of should you waste time and money instead of why haven't you taught him about sex drive, interacting with girls, confidence through accomplishment, etc yet. It is important to impart wisdom on him or enlist the help of a man who can do such. He needs to learn early and often that girls are just girls... you can find them anywhere. Women are the compliment to a good life, not the focus of that good life. He has clearly put this one girl (who he has never met) on a pedestal since he has invested much time, and he wants to now cash in his sex/dating chips (in his mind, that actually makes sense).

              14 and 15 is pretty old these days, man... most have already kicked it. That is surely their misguided plan here (at least it's his). You need to have the talk instead of watching him bumble around. Watch Euphoria series or read synopsis if you want to see what the kids are into these days. That stuff is popular as heck with teens for a reason: it's what they live... much like Sex and the City was all the rage for women (single or married) a decade or two ago. Life imitates art, and art imitates life. I wish I was kidding, but you have to get with the times here.

              You threads are as crazy as Lordosis... just with slightly better grammar and coherence.
              Last edited by Max Power; 02-12-2022, 01:30 PM.

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              • #37
                Let’s take a step back.
                have you considers FaceTime or zoom call? Then maybe group zoom call? Get a better idea if this is a 45 year man or an actual similar age person.

                if this all plays out and isn’t shady, then yes.
                but going to different country to meet someone is a bad idea.

                At the very least, meet in the states. Heck, buy her plane ticket so you know the person is real bc they can’t trick flying on a plane. Few hundred bucks well worth spending if your son really wants to meet

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by burritos View Post
                  Of course there are girls in his school, I tell him to engage with them. He doesn't obey. So now what? Unlike most 15 y/o boys who have it together, he's awkward face to face. So would shuttling him somewhere far and away allow him to develop some social skills that might no happen de novo at home? Or is this just rationalizing on my part?
                  I think using this as a chance to improve his social skills is a poor justification for taking the entire family to Toronto for him to spend a few hours with a girl.

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by StarTrekDoc View Post
                    Modern day summer camp variation.

                    OP - you've already met twice before. My niece did same a few years ago with gaming internet buddy. Did the 'museum' visit geofence thing and worked out fine.

                    Yes, have to be careful and appears legit meetup done.

                    People plan family vacations for this stuff these days. Broader geofencing would be theme park and one we've used.
                    Not sure what geofencing is, but I did geocache the university of toronto.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by WorkforFIRE View Post
                      Let’s take a step back.
                      have you considers FaceTime or zoom call? Then maybe group zoom call? Get a better idea if this is a 45 year man or an actual similar age person.

                      if this all plays out and isn’t shady, then yes.
                      but going to different country to meet someone is a bad idea.

                      At the very least, meet in the states. Heck, buy her plane ticket so you know the person is real bc they can’t trick flying on a plane. Few hundred bucks well worth spending if your son really wants to meet
                      They talk with each other for at least an hour daily.

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                      • #41
                        This is some next level weird shitt. If I were the father of that 14 year old girl you would have a serious problem.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by fatlittlepig View Post
                          This is some next level weird shitt. If I were the father of that 14 year old girl you would have a serious problem.
                          He's back?!?

                          Since when? I must have missed the memo.

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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by Max Power View Post
                            The kid is in puberty... he is trying to get his trick wet at any and all cost (to you). Use logic here.

                            There are tons of girls in SoCal he can practice with. Save your money. Stop the insanity. This is a manufactured crisis since he probably has no clue about sexuality, lacks peer or adults to model, and is trying to pick what seems to be low-hanging female fruit. Is he in sports where he would have masculine men as coaches or teammates who are chased by women as much as they chase? Doubtful.
                            Teach him use of skill and not to waste time chasing rainbows. He is acting like a desperate fool since he doesn't know any other way and he feels he wants to finish what he started (classic beta male concept of relationship equity... falling in love with 'friend,' coworker, etc... beta feeling they deserve intimacy since they put in time or money). Someone needs to pull the plug and rip off the beta romantic male band aid before he is going to Thailand at age 50 for the woman of his dreams, who mysteriously needs wire transfers weekly.

                            This is much less a question of should you waste time and money instead of why haven't you taught him about sex drive, interacting with girls, confidence through accomplishment, etc yet. It is important to impart wisdom on him or enlist the help of a man who can do such. He needs to learn early and often that girls are just girls... you can find them anywhere. Women are the compliment to a good life, not the focus of that good life. He has clearly put this one girl (who he has never met) on a pedestal since he has invested much time, and he wants to now cash in his sex/dating chips (in his mind, that actually makes sense).

                            14 and 15 is pretty old these days, man... most have already kicked it. That is surely their misguided plan here (at least it's his). You need to have the talk instead of watching him bumble around. Watch Euphoria series or read synopsis if you want to see what the kids are into these days. That stuff is popular as heck with teens for a reason: it's what they live... much like Sex and the City was all the rage for women (single or married) a decade or two ago. Life imitates art, and art imitates life. I wish I was kidding, but you have to get with the times here.

                            You threads are as crazy as Lordosis... just with slightly better grammar and coherence.
                            In public at a Tim Horton's?I told him he can hang out, but no touching.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Originally posted by burritos View Post

                              In public at a Tim Horton's?I told him he can hang out, but no touching.
                              There’s rarely anything of substance that he adds so those are generally posts you can ignore and not really miss anything.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Originally posted by burritos View Post

                                In public at a Tim Horton's?I told him he can hang out, but no touching.
                                How confident were you that he would obey if the opportunity for "touching" presented itself?

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