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Oldest kid failed out of college!

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  • Tim
    replied
    • Do everything you can to withdraw before the failing grades go on her transcript! That includes a letter requesting withdrawal for any "condition" (ADD, depression etc.) that you can dream up. Those "F's" will follow her forever in her GPA. That will be partially fixable in the future.
    • So you have a daughter that isn't ready to follow the traditional route. Your role as a parent is to help her find her own route. She failed in your eyes, not her's. That is probably because she did not "own the goals", thus the partying. Find out what she wants to do.
    • By no means think of her as a failure or cut her off in any manner. A welcome home, food and shelter is always available and advice and support as she works through this. Spending money and transportation is not an investment in her future. That is a vacation. You will be willing to invest in her future when she decides the young adult she wants to become. Privileges and support come with responsibilities.
    • It could have been worse. Like I want you to meet your new grandchild or bail me out. Keep the communications open and honest as possible. Your bird will fly, just not in the direction you hoped for. That is not bad, it's simply different. Accept it and move on investing in her future when she has a direction.

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  • ENT Doc
    replied
    Sorry to hear. I have no first hand experience with a family member but this pretty much describes all my best friends growing up. Sounds like your child needs to decide whether or not school is really for them or not. If you all are pushing it but it isn’t for them or isn’t for them right now then make it clear the cord is cut - sends a message to your other child(ren). Otherwise if they are really wanting to go to school I’d keep them close to home. As a follow up to my friends’ situation, two went on to get their masters and have successful careers and the other is a bartender. Smartest bartender ever though. Sometimes they just need time to get serious and find their motivation. In all of their situations partying hard invariably meant drinking too much and/or smoking weed. So keep an eye out for those signs as well.

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  • Drsan1
    started a topic Oldest kid failed out of college!

    Oldest kid failed out of college!

    I know this is a financial site but this Is definitely causing a financial hit. My 18 year old graduated high school in May and went to college in the summer. She two C’s in her two classes and we told her she needed a 3.0 to stay away at college. This full semester she is failing everything. We’ve spent $3,500 on summer now $8,000 for this semester. Our only option is to bring her home. She has always been a strong willed kid and made plenty of mistakes but she met our minimum requirements to go away to college and got in. She’s not depressed she basically got up there and partied and did no school!! Does anyone else have experiences with kids that did not do the typical route that we hope for with getting an education, getting a career and being self-sufficient. How do you motivate them and when do you cut the chord. I don’t want the “30 year old living in my basement scenario”. Any pointers will help.
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