Oldest kid failed out of college!

[jfoxcpacfp]

I told our five year old she had to move out when she turns 18 years old. But then she started crying saying she wanted to live with us forever...

Just wait until she asks if her boyfriend can move in, too ;-)

[childay]

I think the key is that the kid is not coming home to live in the basement. They can come live at home and pay rent, which goes up $100 a month. But it's time to get your own job, you own apartment, your own car etc. 6 months of that and all of a sudden college on daddy's dime starts looking a lot more appealing.

I told our five year old she had to move out when she turns 18 years old. But then she started crying saying she wanted to live with us forever...

[The White Coat Investor]

I think the key is that the kid is not coming home to live in the basement. They can come live at home and pay rent, which goes up $100 a month. But it's time to get your own job, you own apartment, your own car etc. 6 months of that and all of a sudden college on daddy's dime starts looking a lot more appealing.

[Tim]

Phase 2?
Look at the sacrifices made taking care of Mom and Dad. Actually had that one thrown out on my in-laws side. The monetary request was denied.

[Dicast]

My 35 year old sister still lives at my parents house and has a $10/hr job she finally got 2 years ago. She successfully did lots of college with just an associates to show for it from 18 to 33. She had a few health problems but nothing like an extra decade. My parents wouldn't go tough love and now she is pretty much a permanent resident. They have funded her the whole time and she never has to worry. She's a nice person. My parents are nice people who are financially independent. I just don't know what will happen when my sister has to take care of herself. I'm still hoping she'll see the light and get on with extending her career some direction.

Make her accountable and develop goals that she can get onboard with.

[wideopenspaces]

Don't despair:-) This is the time for her to figure herself out. There's going to be mistakes and missteps. That's ok! She didn't even take the summer off after high school- that's pretty intense, you know? I think a gap year(s) is a good idea. She can get to know herself and what she wants. But she needs to decide on the next steps- maybe she does a volunteer experience here or abroad, finds an internship, looks into cosmetology school or just works at the grocery store and sees how she likes living on a small budget. As long as she doesn't develop a substance abuse disorder, I would not worry too much about her taking some time to figure out her place in life. Therapy might be helpful in that regard and in helping her to do some self reflecting.

I'm glad I ended up where I did but I wish I'd taken a less intense path and had a little more fun/ more experiences along the way. So that's where I'm coming from.

[Drsan1]

Thank you for the encouragement. I know this too shall pass. It’s hard to motivate her when at the moment she has no idea what she wants. My father and brother had great success with the military so I’m hoping for that. But I know at this point I have to set boundaries and minimum expectations but allow her to figure some things out...whatever that may look like.

[goatmom]

I have some personal experience with this with a kid that was no one ever expected to struggle in college. I agree that you should not feign a psych illness to get a free pass - but are you sure there is no issue? You might have her see a therapist or if she goes back to college try to find a good academic coach. She might have poor organizational skills. I also think the military could be a good option. The new GI bill is great. You get four years to mature, learn some skills, see the world, then go to school for free. There are also programs that help transition enlisted into some top colleges - tuition free! She is only 18 - you nipped this in the bud. There are so many things that could be worse. My story had some rocky chapters but he finally graduated from college after 7 years with a terrible GPA. He took off several semesters when he was put on probation. Yes - he goofed off but it he was a good kid at heart and we just kept encouraging him. He moved back home. Met a girl - got motivated - learned how to code and has a great job. There were times I thought he was going to be in our basement too. Looking back - not sure what I would have done differently.

[abds]

You mention a financial hit but I see the opposite; it looks to me like you’re saving 3.5 years (or more) in tuition! Silver lining?

Sorry you’re going through this and hopefully I never do. Honestly though I would tell my my kid they have 3 months to get a job and move out of my house. Nobody learns life lessons by living in their parents’ basement rent-free.

[StateOfMyHead]

I'm sorry you are going through this and sorry she is also as I'm sure she didn't intend for it to end this way. Give her a few minutes to collect herself and then ask what she would like to do going forward. Remember it takes some of us longer.

[SerrateAndDominate]

His interviews are extremely frustrating to watch. The entitlement is so real with that guy

[Panscan]

I've never understood partying. What exactly are all these kids celebrating? Flunking their futures?

[White.Beard.Doc]

None of us would ever want to be in the shoes of these parents who had to resort to the legal system to sue for eviction of their freeloading 30 year old son....

https://nypost.com/2018/05/22/parents-win-suit-to-kick-deadbeat-son-out-of-their-house/

[Drsan1]

She took the ASVAB about two years ago and I don’t remember what the result was but she always enjoyed working with children and developmentally delayed people. She may want to get back to that at some point. Military would be a great option for her if she would agree to it. She has to mature and figure some things out. My goal is not to enable bad behavior.

[Drsan1]

Thank you wise white beard! Yes we are ready to do tough love. I’ve been looking up adult kid living at home contracts and we have already forewarned her that she will have to work and pay rent. Even if it’s fast food she has to work 40 hours a week. I’m hoping she wakes up like your daughter did. She’s a doctors kid so never had to struggle but I’m hoping working and having to live in the real world will motivate her to make better choices.