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  • #31
    I think the bigger issue with OPs getting upset is similar to what we see on a larger scale in 2019. People think that people with opposite view points are some how against them or are attacking them.

    Long gone are the days when a gentlemen’s bar disagreement could be settled by stepping outside and then ending with a handshake. Now you have to worry about somebody pulling a knife/gun or pressing charges when they come out on the losing end.

    Comment


    • #32


      Long gone are the days when a gentlemen’s bar disagreement could be settled by stepping outside and then ending with a handshake.
      Click to expand...


      You must be much older than me if you remember those days. :-)

      I was jumped by 3 guys when leaving a bar in 1981. When a friend came to help, one of the guys pulled a gun and fired a shot in his general direction. Fortunately, that was a well-known hot spot for such trouble and police were already hanging out nearby. Only one shot was fired.
      Erstwhile Dance Theatre of Dayton performer cum bellhop. Carried (many) bags for a lovely and gracious 59 yo Cyd Charisse. (RIP) Hosted epic company parties after Friday night rehearsals.

      Comment


      • #33
        I’m early 30s but grew up in a rural area where the olden days mentality lingered around much longer than other places.

        Comment


        • #34
          One of the keys of personal and financial freedom IMO is learning how not to to care what other people think.  Some of the keys of success in both medicine and personal growth (including finance) is learning from others mistakes and being able to take criticism to change your behavior while not letting it emotionally defeat you.

          I know for myself, I am my own greatest critic.  The things that hurt me the most and that I react the most to are those things that deep down I already know are true.  When someone gets upset about something said on here (with the exception of those things that blatantly break the living room rule) it is probably because they are being forced to look in the mirror at their most unattractive angle.

          Comment


          • #35




            I’m early 30s but grew up in a rural area where the olden days mentality lingered around much longer than other places.
            Click to expand...


            I have to admit that is really surprising to me. I have always assumed that you are mid- to late-40's or in your 50's! Not sure why, maybe based upon the depth of your responses. Maybe it's a result of being raised with an "olden days" mentality?
            Working to protect good doctors from bad advisors. Fox & Co CPAs, Fox & Co Wealth Mgmt. 270-247-6087

            Comment


            • #36


              I have always assumed that you are mid- to late-40’s or in your 50’s! Not sure why, maybe based upon the depth of your responses. Maybe it’s a result of being raised with an “olden days” mentality?
              Click to expand...


              It's his avatar. :-)
              Erstwhile Dance Theatre of Dayton performer cum bellhop. Carried (many) bags for a lovely and gracious 59 yo Cyd Charisse. (RIP) Hosted epic company parties after Friday night rehearsals.

              Comment


              • #37
                “Al pan, pan
                Al vino, vino”

                I tried to find a decent translation that would be possible to use, but the translation to English has taken a life of its own in this PC era and there’s even an NPR article suggesting not to use the English version. So I will leave it in Spanish. The literal translation is “to the bread, bread, to the wine, wine”. I’d rather hear the truth, even if it hurts, because life is not supposed to be all perfect and Instagram-worthy.

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                • #38




                  “Al pan, pan
                  Al vino, vino”

                  I tried to find a decent translation that would be possible to use, but the translation to English has taken a life of its own in this PC era and there’s even an NPR article suggesting not to use the English version. So I will leave it in Spanish. The literal translation is “to the bread, bread, to the wine, wine”. I’d rather hear the truth, even if it hurts, because life is not supposed to be all perfect and Instagram-worthy.
                  Click to expand...


                  I agree with all this. Agree, Agree, Agree.

                  I never said or intended to say or suggest anyone say: "Buy the giant house. great idea." My first actual response on that thread was one word all caps: RENT.

                  Then I had the long post about why it was not intelligent, like aiming for the carotid artery while doing a central line.

                  Anyhow, my point here is this: be kind (not nice, apparently that is something else) in HOW you say rent.

                  Sure......the USA is becoming wussified. Not a big deal if you lose, just make sure all the kids get a participation trophy.

                  I'm originally from the south and my 85 year old pops was a hard nosed butt kicker. He was a doc, and he played college football and was in the Navy before that.

                  Anyway, he coached my grade school football team and he made a kid eat dirt at practice once........long story and the whole team thought the kid deserved to eat dirt and heck that kid was a spoiled rotten little rich kid who frankly benefited from some discipline.

                  However in 2019, if you made kids eat dirt (literally mud from the field) or run like he ran us (until kids including me were throwing up) etc. you would have parents furious and kids would quit.

                  We never lost a game. Was not even close. We were ridiculously well disciplined and coached and we beat everyone.

                  People like Belichick and Saban.............last of a breed.

                  People these days turn off / turn away when you crank up the criticism and so my suggestion: Coach the players, teach them the correct technique, teach them discipline, don't be fake or overly "nice" but don't make them eat dirt or run until they throw up.........it does not work as well any more.

                  Comment


                  • #39




                    One of the keys of personal and financial freedom IMO is learning how not to to care what other people think.  Some of the keys of success in both medicine and personal growth (including finance) is learning from others mistakes and being able to take criticism to change your behavior while not letting it emotionally defeat you.

                    I know for myself, I am my own greatest critic.  The things that hurt me the most and that I react the most to are those things that deep down I already know are true.  When someone gets upset about something said on here (with the exception of those things that blatantly break the living room rule) it is probably because they are being forced to look in the mirror at their most unattractive angle.
                    Click to expand...


                    Yes, it is what we think we know already that often prevents us from learning. Nothing sucks worse or ticks me off more that when I realize that I messed up. This is why losses hurt more than gains feel good.

                    I hate when I mess up and MY MISTAKES sting.

                    The OP in that post was really angry because she was 1. wrong 2. no one (not a single person) agreed with her

                    She was upset that we did not agree. That was 99.9% of the deal The other 0.1% was HOW we told her she was a knucklehead.

                    Comment


                    • #40


                      don’t make them eat dirt or run until they throw up
                      Click to expand...


                      OK, but that didn't happen here.

                      This is much closer to Yale than a hard*ss, old school football coach: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/11/the-new-intolerance-of-student-activism-at-yale/414810/

                      We sometimes worked until we vomited on my high school wrestling team, and the coach once told a wrestler who broke his leg to "walk it off." (In fairness, coach didn't know the leg was broken until later and the kid with the broken leg laughed about it all.) None of us objected. We knew the score when we went out for the team, and the experience bred camaraderie rather than shrieking at coaches on the quad.
                      Erstwhile Dance Theatre of Dayton performer cum bellhop. Carried (many) bags for a lovely and gracious 59 yo Cyd Charisse. (RIP) Hosted epic company parties after Friday night rehearsals.

                      Comment


                      • #41







                        “Al pan, pan
                        Al vino, vino”

                        I tried to find a decent translation that would be possible to use, but the translation to English has taken a life of its own in this PC era and there’s even an NPR article suggesting not to use the English version. So I will leave it in Spanish. The literal translation is “to the bread, bread, to the wine, wine”. I’d rather hear the truth, even if it hurts, because life is not supposed to be all perfect and Instagram-worthy.
                        Click to expand…


                        I agree with all this. Agree, Agree, Agree.

                        I never said or intended to say or suggest anyone say: “Buy the giant house. great idea.” My first actual response on that thread was one word all caps: RENT.

                        Then I had the long post about why it was not intelligent, like aiming for the carotid artery while doing a central line.

                        Anyhow, my point here is this: be kind (not nice, apparently that is something else) in HOW you say rent.

                        Sure……the USA is becoming wussified. Not a big deal if you lose, just make sure all the kids get a participation trophy.

                        I’m originally from the south and my 85 year old pops was a hard nosed butt kicker. He was a doc, and he played college football and was in the Navy before that.

                        Anyway, he coached my grade school football team and he made a kid eat dirt at practice once……..long story and the whole team thought the kid deserved to eat dirt and heck that kid was a spoiled rotten little rich kid who frankly benefited from some discipline.

                        However in 2019, if you made kids eat dirt (literally mud from the field) or run like he ran us (until kids including me were throwing up) etc. you would have parents furious and kids would quit.

                        We never lost a game. Was not even close. We were ridiculously well disciplined and coached and we beat everyone.

                        People like Belichick and Saban………….last of a breed.

                        People these days turn off / turn away when you crank up the criticism and so my suggestion: Coach the players, teach them the correct technique, teach them discipline, don’t be fake or overly “nice” but don’t make them eat dirt or run until they throw up………it does not work as well any more.
                        Click to expand...


                        I think it's a good thing that it is no longer socially acceptable to make kids eat dirt.  Unnecessarily demeaning.

                        On the other hand I have a patient who is an expert shooter and has taught soldiers in shooting and combat operations for 20+ years.  He finally quit when he was told the schoolhouse was initiating a safe word rule and if a soldier got uncomfortable in training they could say their safe word and training would halt.

                        Kids eating dirt?  Not necessary.   A soldier learning how to keep going when they are uncomfortable in battle?  Totally necessary.

                        I think doctors have to meet a higher standard with being able to face criticism and being financially responsible--because if we are not financially responsible I think we are more likely to make medical decisions at least partially with our finances in mind. So we don't get a safe word when it comes to financial matters.  JMO.

                        Comment


                        • #42


                          like aiming for the carotid artery while doing a central line.
                          Click to expand...


                          My favorite line in the entire thread.

                          Comment


                          • #43





                            I have always assumed that you are mid- to late-40’s or in your 50’s! Not sure why, maybe based upon the depth of your responses. Maybe it’s a result of being raised with an “olden days” mentality?
                            Click to expand…


                            It’s his avatar.
                            Click to expand...


                            Ok, belly laugh #3. Apparently I am too involved in the forum today.
                            Working to protect good doctors from bad advisors. Fox & Co CPAs, Fox & Co Wealth Mgmt. 270-247-6087

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              My husband and I have had this conversation since we first met. His defense: "What do you mean I'm being a jerk I'm telling the truth! "

                              As an educator I have found the more I can encourage and put a student at ease the more quickly and thoroughly they learn. That in turn makes my job much, much easier. It doesn't surprise me that this forum takes such a blunt tone because ^ but that doesn't mean it's always the most effective.

                              Comment


                              • #45




                                My husband and I have had this conversation since we first met. His defense: “What mean I’m being a jerk I’m telling the truth! ”

                                As an educator I have found the more I can encourage and put a student at ease the more quickly and thoroughly they learn. That in turn makes my job much, much easier. It doesn’t surprise me that this forum takes such a blunt tone because ^ but that doesn’t mean it’s always the most effective.
                                Click to expand...


                                YES. people do not respond as well to negativity. We should strive to be "kind". We SHOULD tell them we disagree but in a "kind" way.

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