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Why you might need to bake another $170k* into your retirement nest egg

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  • #16
    I just cant see myself giving a bunch of money to the kids in their adult life. Sure, of course I will keep them out of the homeless shelter but is this money really going to things that are absolutely necessary or just simply given? At some point you're contributing to their inability to care for themselves and make good decisions by being a fail safe. Lots of good lessons they can learn from this, whats an actual necessity, where and how to live, education and subsequent job importance, etc....

    If I start supporting adult children (I do have one) the money will not be a gift and would require considerable input and latitude with their life choices for me, etc...I certainly wouldnt let my parents have that kind of say, and hope neither would mine. Obviously would try to make the whole thing unappealing.

    Things I would support are education, job searches, and basically anything that is a need to further them in a self sustaining life going forward. That could be taken to an extreme Im sure...but beyond that, self sufficiency.

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    • #17
      Zaphod I guess you read the Millionaire Next Door that talks about the harm you can cause by bailing out kids too much.

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      • #18
        I love my son and hope to have more children, but the thought of having kids still living with me well into their 20s sounds horrible.  I'd love to help them out from time to time, but only as unsolicited gifts and not because they can't pay for things themselves.  But realistically I don't think it's reasonable to expect the expense to stop at 18 or 22.  I see my parents ruining one of my siblings and keep telling myself I won't do that to my kids, but who knows if I'll actually follow through on my promises to my older self.   :lol:

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        • #19
          While I can sit here and say that, in the future, I will not pay for this or that, when confronted with a situation with my future adult child that needs my financial help, I cannot say that I will have the same resolve. I know this because I see responsible, prudent, and well-meaning parents pay for things for their adult children that I bet that they never imagined or planned on paying for, either. In the abstract, it is a no-brainer. In real life, well, we will see.

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          • #20
            Is this more an issue with today's kids and young adults ? I made money starting in junior high and high school. The idea of mooching off parents never entered my mind.

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            • #21
              When you have multiple kids you start to realize they all have their own personalities and motivations. Your ability to influence them is not as great as you imagine prior to parenting.



              Ymmv

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              • #22




                Is this more an issue with today’s kids and young adults ? I made money starting in junior high and high school. The idea of mooching off parents never entered my mind.
                Click to expand...


                I think so. See earlier post, "Free Range Kids, and Helicopter Parents."
                Erstwhile Dance Theatre of Dayton performer cum bellhop. Carried (many) bags for a lovely and gracious 59 yo Cyd Charisse. (RIP) Hosted epic company parties after Friday night rehearsals.

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                • #23




                  Is this more an issue with today’s kids and young adults ? I made money starting in junior high and high school. The idea of mooching off parents never entered my mind.
                  Click to expand...


                  Mooches have existed since the beginning of time.

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                  • #24







                    Is this more an issue with today’s kids and young adults ? I made money starting in junior high and high school. The idea of mooching off parents never entered my mind.
                    Click to expand…


                    Mooches have existed since the beginning of time.
                    Click to expand...


                    Is your (hypothetical) 21 year old daughter with profound anorexia nervosa a moocher? Perhaps she is to me, but I am not sure that you will consider her to be a moocher.

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                    • #25




                      Is this more an issue with today’s kids and young adults ? I made money starting in junior high and high school. The idea of mooching off parents never entered my mind.
                      Click to expand...


                      You have previously described your mother actively trying to mooch of you (though the word "mooch" was not used, IIRC). In my world, the idea of parents mooching off their children never entered my mind.

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                      • #26
                        Is it considered parents mooching off kids when the kids support them when they are infirm (to a degree)?  In many cultures that's the norm.  It's also a cultural normal that parents continue to support kids in some ways even after the kids are grown, partly with the idea that the kids pay it backwards to the parents when they are old, and pay it forward to their own kids.

                        That goes to extremes -- for some it's just the parent supporting education for the kid/grandkids, but I also see it being far more extreme.  I have a childhood acquaintance who is near the end of a cardiology fellowship and driving a McLaren.  Sufficed to say he didn't buy it by moonlighting a lot and eating Ramen.
                        An alt-brown look at medicine, money, faith, & family
                        www.RogueDadMD.com

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                        • #27




                          Is it considered parents mooching off kids when the kids support them when they are infirm (to a degree)?  In many cultures that’s the norm.  It’s also a cultural normal that parents continue to support kids in some ways even after the kids are grown, partly with the idea that the kids pay it backwards to the parents when they are old, and pay it forward to their own kids.

                          That goes to extremes — for some it’s just the parent supporting education for the kid/grandkids, but I also see it being far more extreme.  I have a childhood acquaintance who is near the end of a cardiology fellowship and driving a McLaren.  Sufficed to say he didn’t buy it by moonlighting a lot and eating Ramen.
                          Click to expand...


                          I did not bring up the "m" word, other posters did.

                          In my world, parents do what they can to see their children succeed, maybe even help out with the grandchildren, with no expectation other than that the future generations continue to pay it forward to the extent that they can.

                          I would have to google "McLaren" (it's some expen$ive car thingy, right?), but if the parents can afford it with legitimately earned money, who am I to judge?

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                          • #28







                            Is it considered parents mooching off kids when the kids support them when they are infirm (to a degree)?  In many cultures that’s the norm.  It’s also a cultural normal that parents continue to support kids in some ways even after the kids are grown, partly with the idea that the kids pay it backwards to the parents when they are old, and pay it forward to their own kids.

                            That goes to extremes — for some it’s just the parent supporting education for the kid/grandkids, but I also see it being far more extreme.  I have a childhood acquaintance who is near the end of a cardiology fellowship and driving a McLaren.  Sufficed to say he didn’t buy it by moonlighting a lot and eating Ramen.
                            Click to expand…


                            I did not bring up the “m” word, other posters did.

                            In my world, parents do what they can to see their children succeed, maybe even help out with the grandchildren, with no expectation other than that the future generations continue to pay it forward to the extent that they can.

                            I would have to google “McLaren” (it’s some expen$ive car thingy, right?), but if the parents can afford it with legitimately earned money, who am I to judge?
                            Click to expand...


                            There definitely are qualitative differences. If your kid is doing well and getting after life in general, I dont see too much issue with "helping" them achieve other things even faster. Its those that take help and it decreases their drive I am more concerned about. Always hard when it actually happens.

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                            • #29
                              Every adolescent and young adult is a unique individual.  When parenting, there is no "owner's manual".  I wish there was as life would be so much easier.

                               

                              If a young adult is taking care of the business of building a productive life, giving help is known as "support".  Alternatively, if my adolescent or young adult is not taking care of the business of building a productive life and a secure financial future, then similar forms of help may be more accurately referred to as "enabling".  Poor financial decisions have consequences.  A degree of pain and struggle may help strengthen those tough lessons.  My hope is that learning some of these tough lessons will lead to change, sooner rather than later.

                               

                              One of my adult children is a voracious saver and investor; she has a huge bank account and multiple taxable and tax deferred investment accounts for so very early in her career.  Another child has credit card debts and spendthrift ways.  Some tough lessons from the real world feel in order.  And it is amazing that each of these uniquely different individuals have the same genes, the same parents and grew up in the same household.  Isn't life interesting!

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                              • #30
                                sometimes rich people have nice stuff because well they are richer. If you don't have the desire to leave the largest possible estate to your child, most people on this board will reach so called escape velocity in their fifties or sixties. At that point, there's no real point in delaying gratification aside from maximizing size of estate for whatever purpose.
                                So if people really don't feel they are giving up anything and saving that's wonderful. They will accumulate more and more wealth. However if they want to use the resource and have been holding back to achieve financial security then suddenly fancier cars and vacations are the new normal. Sometimes it is harder to flip the switch than you might think.

                                A nurse I work with has never left the area. Her grandmother passed and she inherited 8 figures. Grandmother never went to college or left the area. Mother never went to college or left the area. This nurse has had the money for five years and decided to get new car. Bought used edge with fifty thousand miles or something. Always clipping coupons.
                                Different strokes.

                                I assure you that if I inherited eight figures my wife would be making extensive travel plans. My kids already will start life financially way better than I did. They won't need to save as hard as me. Statistically there is a high likelihood they will earn less than my wife and I. Hopefully not so they can buy me a mclaren rather than used edge and not miss the money.

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