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  • Married and locuming

    I am looking to marry someone but I want to continue being able to locum in different states in the US and possibly internationally. Spouse will remain in one area and work and raise the child. Is this even doable? I plan to work 6 months and doing telemedicine the rest of the time at work. Can be done if the spouse is also working part time? Has anyone done this without incurring a divorce? I really cannot do 9 to 5 job year after year. I thought about part time work or hospital work but that will not work for me either

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  • #2
    Originally posted by rick43221 View Post
    I am looking to marry someone but I want to continue being able to locum in different states in the US and possibly internationally. Spouse will remain in one area and work and raise the child. Is this even doable? I plan to work 6 months and doing telemedicine the rest of the time at work. Can be done if the spouse is also working part time? Has anyone done this without incurring a divorce? I really cannot do 9 to 5 job year after year. I thought about part time work or hospital work but that will not work for me either

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    Sounds like a long term recipe for divorce to me. Seems like your options are 1) international locums and high risk for divorce, 2) local locums, which seems more doable if you live in a large urban area, 3) 9-5 job, which sounds like you’d hate, or 4) international locums and don’t get married. Or if you’re lucky 5), international locums and find a spouse who will be ok with you being gone 6 months out of the year while she/he raises your kids. 5 seems unlikely, but nothing is impossible I guess.

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    • #3
      I know several marriages that survived essentially only seeing each other on weekends although they are either older or have no children which I'm sure makes it easier. Most important what does your potential spouse think?

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      • #4
        Originally posted by StateOfMyHead View Post
        I know several marriages that survived essentially only seeing each other on weekends although they are either older or have no children which I'm sure makes it easier. Most important what does your potential spouse think?
        similar observation. same question. plus: things/people/life change (in 2, 5, 10, 20 years).

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        • #5
          I’m hoping to punch out of locums because the lifestyle sucks so much, and I don’t even have marriage on the horizon. There’s not much else to do besides work and then go back to your hotel room and watch Netflix and eat Captain Crunch.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Lithium View Post
            I’m hoping to punch out of locums because the lifestyle sucks so much, and I don’t even have marriage on the horizon. There’s not much else to do besides work and then go back to your hotel room and watch Netflix and eat Captain Crunch.
            That’s a horrible decision. You should clearly be eating Fruity Pebbles.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by abds View Post

              That’s a horrible decision. You should clearly be eating Fruity Pebbles.
              Cocoa Pebbles. Who looks forward to drinking fruity milk at the end?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Lithium View Post

                Cocoa Pebbles. Who looks forward to drinking fruity milk at the end?
                Love cocoa pebbles milk! Cocoa Puffs milk at the end is great too.

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                • #9
                  Cinnamon Toast Crunch all the way.

                  Anyways, that’s a completely personal question that no one can answer for you. It’s up to you and your future spouse if you guys can make it work or not.

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                  • #10
                    Yikes. There are lots of different people out there with different wants and needs. Sounds like you are hoping for essentially a military spouse who is ok with you being gone for extended periods.

                    I'm sure there are some cultural backgrounds where this would be ok, but there will be few native-born americans that would be ok with this.

                    Put yourself in their position. What are you bringing to the table? Some decent money and occasional "help" with childcare/household maintenance. In reality, you'll be out having a "great time" swooping in and disrupting the kids routine, and then taking off to go work and leaving your spouse to clean up the mess...by themselves...with kid responsibilities...and a job...and household maintenance...

                    Why would the spouse put up with it? I'm not advocating for a proactive divorce, but it is hard to imagine that as sustainable for a spouse after 2,5,10 years.

                    If you're so convinced that you can't do 9-5, then there are other work options: startups, local locums, etc.

                    But if you're convinced that you cannot stay in one place for more than 6 months at a time, and your spouse is going to stay put, are you sure you're ready to marry? Let alone have kids?

                    PS - lots of things seem like they'll be fine and nicely planned out before you have kids. Then the kids have other ideas...

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                    • #11
                      There are decisions you can make in life that will make your life easier. There are decisions you can make in life that will make your life more difficult. If given the choice, always make your life easier.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by rick43221 View Post
                        I am looking to marry someone but I want to continue being able to locum in different states in the US and possibly internationally. Spouse will remain in one area and work and raise the child. Is this even doable? I plan to work 6 months and doing telemedicine the rest of the time at work. Can be done if the spouse is also working part time? Has anyone done this without incurring a divorce? I really cannot do 9 to 5 job year after year. I thought about part time work or hospital work but that will not work for me either

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                        Do you even want kids? They aren’t mandatory you know. I think some people are built for a migratory lifestyle where you don’t know where exactly you’ll be in a month or a year. Others are built to settle down with lots of predictability and routine. It seems people with kids tend to fall in the second camp, but I’m sure there are some in the first that make it work. But to have one spouse living the first lifestyle and the other the second without an endpoint in sight seems really difficult.

                        And I vote Cocoa Puffs or Lucky Charms.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by rick43221 View Post
                          I am looking to marry someone but I want to continue being able to locum in different states in the US and possibly internationally. Spouse will remain in one area and work and raise the child. Is this even doable? I plan to work 6 months and doing telemedicine the rest of the time at work. Can be done if the spouse is also working part time? Has anyone done this without incurring a divorce? I really cannot do 9 to 5 job year after year. I thought about part time work or hospital work but that will not work for me either

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                          What do you mean by "the child?" Does this mean they aren't yours?
                          Why not just do telemedicine?

                          Frosted Mini-Wheats

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Lithium View Post

                            Cocoa Pebbles. Who looks forward to drinking fruity milk at the end?
                            All pebbles are good. But they make the fruity with marshmallows for those of you who aren’t aware. You’re welcome. #healthfood

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by abds View Post

                              All pebbles are good. But they make the fruity with marshmallows for those of you who aren’t aware. You’re welcome. #healthfood
                              I think an all marshmallow cereal would fly right off the shelves. Not sure why it’s not a thing yet.

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