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Prenup or no prenup?

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  • #16
    Originally posted by Brains428 View Post
    Yes- mostly to protect against indefinite spousal support. This can be written in both directions. Child support can't be written in (and that's a good thing).

    But, the most important thing to do is ask a lawyer about how enforceable they are in your state. The more complex, the more chances you have for it to be thrown out.

    I view a pre-nup as a way to protect against late divorce (which is more likely to ruin a physician financially than anything else).

    If nothing else- I think it might be good to go through the motions of at least discussing assets, liabilities, and financial goals with your partner as if you were getting a pre-nup just to get those conversations going.
    For late divorce do you mean age 50s and 60s? End of career? What solution could there be other then to divide assets in half? Especially if you were together half your life and the vast majority of your career.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Lordosis View Post

      For late divorce do you mean age 50s and 60s? End of career? What solution could there be other then to divide assets in half? Especially if you were together half your life and the vast majority of your career.
      I'd say anything towards the end of a career at standard retirement age (so around 60). Dividing assets in half is probably fine. It's the whole "grown accustom to a certain lifestyle," and paying for that, that I have an issue with.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Brains428 View Post

        I'd say anything towards the end of a career at standard retirement age (so around 60). Dividing assets in half is probably fine. It's the whole "grown accustom to a certain lifestyle," and paying for that, that I have an issue with.
        Does that really happen where one person claims they grew accustomed to a particular lifestyle and demand more then half the assets? I would imagine that would be a tough sell.

        Divorce sucks and it hurts both people pretty bad. Everyone is going to have to take a step back on lifestyle afterwards.

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        • #19
          Lordosis - according to 2 of my colleagues. But I've never pried for details.

          A lot of what can happen in a settlement is dependent on the state, in addition to the parties involved. Sadly, no one can really predict how one will act/react during a divorce proceeding. Most people don't go into marriage trying to look at the worst qualities in their partner.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Brains428 View Post
            Lordosis - according to 2 of my colleagues. But I've never pried for details.

            A lot of what can happen in a settlement is dependent on the state, in addition to the parties involved. Sadly, no one can really predict how one will act/react during a divorce proceeding. Most people don't go into marriage trying to look at the worst qualities in their partner.
            Gosh, if they did, no one would ever get married!

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Lordosis View Post

              Does that really happen where one person claims they grew accustomed to a particular lifestyle and demand more then half the assets? I would imagine that would be a tough sell.
              Based on my sister's divorce settlement, yes

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Brains428 View Post

                I'd say anything towards the end of a career at standard retirement age (so around 60). Dividing assets in half is probably fine. It's the whole "grown accustom to a certain lifestyle," and paying for that, that I have an issue with.
                How would a prenup get you out of this? Have some sort of clause against that? Who would agree to it?

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                • #23
                  You get a no maintenance clause in there. I think it has to be shown that the parties both make money and support themselves on said salary prior to marriage. Not sure how it works if someone is in a profession with less steady income (anyone in the gig economy, small business owner, etc).

                  As stated above, child support is considered a separate process from the experience I have in MO, TX, SC (only married in MO, but knowledge via family and friends in states that I've lived- my father is a divorce attorney in TX).

                  Based on what I've read about prenups in CA and NJ, they seem to be more complex than what I know in MO. Perhaps its just what is written in cases that you can find on page 1 and 2 on Google.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by mamaham View Post
                    Maybe I’m old fashioned... I’ve never liked the idea of prenups. It says to me “let’s prepare for when we get divorced, I want to make sure I’ve got a clean break and get my money’s worth”.
                    I'm not old fashioned, and I think that once you've decided that marriage is not a ridiculous institution, i.e., you've decided that you will promise to stay with someone for life, then you have decided that a prenup is a ridiculous idea. The two are inconsistent with one another.

                    Marriage isn't necessary. If you aren't sure you will stay with your significant other forever, then don't declare it to him/her, the world, and the government.

                    Erstwhile Dance Theatre of Dayton performer cum bellhop. Carried (many) bags for a lovely and gracious 59 yo Cyd Charisse. (RIP) Hosted epic company parties after Friday night rehearsals.

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                    • #25
                      Eh some lawyer said to me once that everybody has a prenupt - the default in their jurisdiction - it's just that most of us don't realize it.

                      I probably would do a prenup when other people's rights and needs are involved like kids from a prior relationship or a business that can't be easily divided but that's probably it.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by SerrateAndDominate View Post

                        Based on my sister's divorce settlement, yes
                        Here in socal, my employer paid whatever settlement they agreed upon divorced 20 years ago. His business continued to grow. The ex(who doesn’t work)15 years later came back for more. The judge came back with rationale was that when they married the financial commitment was for life. So he granted her more.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by burritos View Post
                          Here in socal, my employer paid whatever settlement they agreed upon divorced 20 years ago. His business continued to grow. The ex(who doesn’t work)15 years later came back for more. The judge came back with rationale was that when they married the financial commitment was for life. So he granted her more.
                          California....

                          OP, I would say yes. If nothing else, it makes you guys talk about some important issues. While I hesitate to disagree with my internet friend, CM, I would take the approach that every business needs an exit plan.

                          Who knows, maybe your SO has a handful of BTC, and since they will soon be worth 7 figures each (on good authority from the 20 yo ER tech just last week), s/he may have a pony in the race already.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by CM View Post

                            I'm not old fashioned, and I think that once you've decided that marriage is not a ridiculous institution, i.e., you've decided that you will promise to stay with someone for life, then you have decided that a prenup is a ridiculous idea. The two are inconsistent with one another.

                            Marriage isn't necessary. If you aren't sure you will stay with your significant other forever, then don't declare it to him/her, the world, and the government.
                            I second this.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by G View Post

                              While I hesitate to disagree with my internet friend, CM, I would take the approach that every business needs an exit plan.
                              If it's a business arrangement you can accomplish most of a marriage contract with legal documents that don't include marriage.

                              Maybe you can write your own vows that don't include a promise for life. But my understanding of marriage includes a vow to stay together through thick and thin for life. That's a big deal. That's why I didn't marry til 56 (and thought I would never marry); I was never able to make that promise and believe it.

                              But whatever works for others. If a prenup helps someone to have a happy life then I'm all for it -- for them.
                              Erstwhile Dance Theatre of Dayton performer cum bellhop. Carried (many) bags for a lovely and gracious 59 yo Cyd Charisse. (RIP) Hosted epic company parties after Friday night rehearsals.

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                              • #30
                                Congrats on planning your marriage!

                                I was hesitant to get one but I decided to so I could protect my practice in the future (yes this is legal) If you plan to open your own practice, you can put it in the prenup. I’ve seen messy divorces where the partner takes half the practice.

                                Gets even messier if it’s a group.

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