Prenuptial agreements

[Hatton]

now that the paternity leave issue has been settled I want to start a new thread.  Does anyone have a prenuptial agreement?  Why or why not?  What about a post nuptial agreement?

[FCP]

.

[ShadowDoc]

I don't have one. Barely had rent money with a 6 digit negative net worth when we got married so there was nothing to protect. What we have was earned after we were married. DW is an attorney so it'd probably never stick anyway ?

[Osiris]

We got a prenuptial agreement. The lawyer we dealt with was convinced, that one of us had family money and lots of it. We did not have any money. He was shocked and  was like: why do you care?  Why do want to pay me money  while you are as poor as church mice?

For me it was a matter of principle to have  prenup as well as due diligence. It was money well spent.

We have been married now for 35 years  and why agree to a prenup predicated by the state you live in, when you understand and care about what matters to you and your spouse and think about what is fair. Now we have lots of money ( in part because we are still together).

I would do it again and it brings out on all the right discussion with your future spouse.

 

 

 

 

[Slav4ikMD]

We didn't do it.  No specific reason for it, just didn't.  I am pretty convinced that no matter what you do, no matter the agreement, if someone wants to screw you they will.

[jfoxcpacfp]

I'll bare my soul. My husband and I have a pre-nup. When we met, I was in the process of getting a divorce and he was divorced and in the process of the property settlement. We both had children from our first marriages. He was the one who insisted on the pre-nup and I threw a fit. Tears, screaming and the whole 9 yards. That was over 21 years ago. I doubt either of us could find it now and it doesn't matter any more, you couldn't pry us apart. However, he had been through a nasty, ugly divorce after building a pretty valuable mfg. business - the property settlement took 7 years. There was no way he was going to remarry without that piece of paper and he was right. He's now 75 and I'm 59. If he dies first and I lose whatever common sense I have managed to retain and decide to remarry, there is no way I would do so without a pre-nup.

The reason people don't think they work is because you hear only the ugly stories in the media. Done correctly, they will hold up. The biggest mistake couples make is when they share an attorney or one person pays for the other person's legal advice. That is seen as coercion and can void the pre-nup.

If there are children from priors, you should always have a pre-nup. If there is a huge wealth disparity, consider one. Later on, if you have a solid marriage, you can always void it. If you marry in a "separate property" state and later move to a CP (Community Property) state, your pre-nup will be more difficult to enforce.

[EH]

Nope, just didn't really think about it since we had been together and sharing money for so long. I live in Cali so if we ever did get a divorce I'll be sad to give up half of my retirement and pension (since I make a lot more than DH)! The funny thing is he probably wouldn't even want or ask for it, but I don't think that matters. Oh-well.

[Hatton]

I don't have one either.

[conniebird]

Why exactly is it important to have one if one partner has a child from a previous marriage? My boyfriend and I don't feel the need for one. He has a son from a previous marriage and pays child support. That won't change with us getting married.

Right now I make more but that won't necessarily be the case long term. We are on the same page financially and have discussed financial goals at length including out FIRE number. I just don't see the need. I also don't have any assets - just student loans which I will pay off myself.

[Hatton]

I don't know that it is important in your case.  I think Johanna was referring to inheritance issues

[DarrVao777]

Osiris wrote:

We got a prenuptial agreement. The lawyer we dealt with was convinced, that one of us had family money and lots of it. We did not have any money. He was shocked and  was like: why do you care?  Why do want to pay me money  while you are as poor as church mice?

For me it was a matter of principle to have  prenup as well as due diligence. It was money well spent.

We have been married now for 35 years  and why agree to a prenup predicated by the state you live in, when you understand and care about what matters to you and your spouse and think about what is fair. Now we have lots of money ( in part because we are still together).

I would do it again and it brings out on all the right discussion with your future spouse.

 

 

 

 

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I'll present the opposite viewpoint. I do have one. The lawyer I spoke with pushed heavily to get this done and was very expensive to boot.

We both don't have family money.

At the time we signed, my wife was the one with significantly more assets (probably ~1M in terms of retirement accounts and housing)

I had nothing.

I had the same viewpoint as you: it was about the principle, the due diligence, and the start of the discussion about sensitive financial issues.

My wife claims that she has gotten over it but 1 week before our wedding, she confided that she had thought about leaving me multiple times after signing the document.

As it stands, it is unlikely to hold up anyway as my wife did not seek legal counsel prior to signing the document despite being advised by my lawyer and me. Not to mention most of our assets now were garnered after we had married.

I liked that the prenup forced a discussion about sensitive financial issues. I disliked how much it hurt my wife's feelings (even though she was the one who would benefit most from it). In the end, if it doesn't protect me anyway, I'd have rather skipped it.

[jfoxcpacfp]

conniebird wrote:

Why exactly is it important to have one if one partner has a child from a previous marriage? My boyfriend and I don’t feel the need for one. He has a son from a previous marriage and pays child support. That won’t change with us getting married.

Right now I make more but that won’t necessarily be the case long term. We are on the same page financially and have discussed financial goals at length including out FIRE number. I just don’t see the need. I also don’t have any assets – just student loans which I will pay off myself.

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hatton1 wrote:

I don’t know that it is important in your case.  I think Johanna was referring to inheritance issues

A last will and testament and/or trust takes care of inheritance issues. A pre-nup protects you and your kids in the event you split up so that the spouse/SO does not have claim to the assets that you want to go to your blood relatives. Even if you are not married, palimony can come into play.

[Sneezy]

I don't have one as neither of had significant assets when we got married (21 years and counting  ).  No kids for either of us then

I would echo those who think discussing financial issues prior to getting married is key.

We got married in the Catholic Church and had to go through some counseling called Pre-Cana.  Lots of workbooks and activities that I initially scoffed at.  Looking back, though, it was incredibly important to address these and other issues such as how we felt about kids, making decisions, etc.

I am fine we didn't do a prenup but I would encourage everyone to really talk about these issues prior to getting married

[Jenn]

FCP wrote:

The best prenup is to not get married at all.  I have children with my girlfriend (intend to hopefully have 5 or more) and will never get married.  Too risky financially.

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What country/state are you in? Aren't you now common law married?

[EH]

Only 9 states have common law marriage...