Vacation homes. Dismal math & a dead horse

[StateOfMyHead]

They are really cute and I can’t imagine life without pets. I had to laugh when your story took the I am the man of the house turn as we all know how that generally ends lol.

[Tangler]

A few more.

[Jenn]

My BFF (best friend forever for those who haven't raised tweens lately) divorced her husband. Part of the reason was his expectation that he could buy a big place in the woods near their grandkids (but not near enough), keep their old place, and keep their beach house. Her life with just two homes was filled with being the cleaner (with help at times), concierge, interior decorator, cook, grocery and supply buyer, launderer for the two homes. She realised his vacation homes would be a vaca for him and more work and travel and aggravation for her.

Wouldn't be surprised if your wives (even those with outside jobs since such wives, as I know, on average and on median, still do more housework and childcare than their spouses) anticipate twice as much homemaker work as they now do rather than a lovely place near the beach etc. But as above if she wants it, she must be willing to take that on (or knows how to delegate way better than me).

PS Thanks for the dog pics. Just lost our last Good Girl Xmas Eve, and lost 2 cats and the other dog last year. Trying after vowing I'll never get another dog (due to accumulate pain of the last loss) to not tell husband that we need a dog to keep me happy. But there are some good arguments- easy for me to delegate dog care and a delight to do it on my own when able.

[VagabondMD]

My BFF (best friend forever for those who haven't raised tweens lately) divorced her husband. Part of the reason was his expectation that he could buy a big place in the woods near their grandkids (but not near enough), keep their old place, and keep their beach house. Her life with just two homes was filled with being the cleaner (with help at times), concierge, interior decorator, cook, grocery and supply buyer, launderer for the two homes. She realised his vacation homes would be a vaca for him and more work and travel and aggravation for her.

Wouldn't be surprised if your wives (even those with outside jobs since such wives, as I know, on average and on median, still do more housework and childcare than their spouses) anticipate twice as much homemaker work as they now do rather than a lovely place near the beach etc. But as above if she wants it, she must be willing to take that on (or knows how to delegate way better than me).

PS Thanks for the dog pics. Just lost our last Good Girl Xmas Eve, and lost 2 cats and the other dog last year. Trying after vowing I'll never get another dog (due to accumulate pain of the last loss) to not tell husband that we need a dog to keep me happy. But there are some good arguments- easy for me to delegate dog care and a delight to do it on my own when able.

Interesting point that you bring up regarding the "wife role" in all of this. In my own circumstance, we are both professionals, have reasonably complementary skills sets and chore preferences, and the kids are mostly OTD. Additionally, if/when we acquire the second home, the expectation is that she will be retired from the main gig, and I will be WFHing. It would not occur to me that this would become the vacation for one and the labor for the other.

More importantly, I am sorry for the loss of your pet family members. We love our dogs and will be sad and miss them terribly when they are gone. And then we will find new dogs to love, and the cycle will continue. Do not wait too long. There are many deserving dogs out there that need a home like yours.

Related to both of the above, my wife does say that the reason we "need" a second home, rather than renting an AirBNB for a month or for the summer is that I cannot stand to be away from the dogs for that long a time, and she is not entirely incorrect.

[wideopenspaces]

My BFF (best friend forever for those who haven't raised tweens lately) divorced her husband. Part of the reason was his expectation that he could buy a big place in the woods near their grandkids (but not near enough), keep their old place, and keep their beach house. Her life with just two homes was filled with being the cleaner (with help at times), concierge, interior decorator, cook, grocery and supply buyer, launderer for the two homes. She realised his vacation homes would be a vaca for him and more work and travel and aggravation for her.

Wouldn't be surprised if your wives (even those with outside jobs since such wives, as I know, on average and on median, still do more housework and childcare than their spouses) anticipate twice as much homemaker work as they now do rather than a lovely place near the beach etc. But as above if she wants it, she must be willing to take that on (or knows how to delegate way better than me).

PS Thanks for the dog pics. Just lost our last Good Girl Xmas Eve, and lost 2 cats and the other dog last year. Trying after vowing I'll never get another dog (due to accumulate pain of the last loss) to not tell husband that we need a dog to keep me happy. But there are some good arguments- easy for me to delegate dog care and a delight to do it on my own when able.

I'm the wife ( we both work) and I can't say I find our second home to be a lot of work. We ALL do a quick cleaning before we leave each time- my older son cleans the bathrooms, my 6 yo vaacums and we make sure counters are wiped down, dishes put away, trash goes out and everything is in its place. Takes us under an hour. At our primary home we hire out weekly cleaning, lawn care, etc. But we did that long before we bought the second property. My husband makes a conscious effort to split up household chores though so relationship dynamics probably need to be taken into account.

[Tangler]

Important for both spouses to share the chores. If that is not happening it will spell trouble, regardless of the housing situation and # of homes.

As for your dog loss, sorry, sad. Give another a good home.