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  • #16
    “she is ok with no marriage( finally) but wants to buy a house so our kid has a home”

    I edited your statement to correct for the mistake, I removed the word together. Small changes make a huge difference.

    A divorce has three elements:
    1. Termination of the marriage contract
    2. Child custody issues
    3. Property division
    You both will benefit by not adding another issue in the event of a split. You have only one issue now. If you get married you have all three.
    She or you can buy a house, live where you want and contribute as desired. Just keep the home ownership separate. Long term it benefits you, her and the child. Uncompensated risk with joint ownership. Too late to eliminate #2.

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    • #17
      So, I agree it seems easier for the OP and his gf to just rent.

      But someone walk me through the pitfalls of this scenario.

      OP and gf buy a house and title it TIC.

      Before they do this they see a lawyer and write up a contract that states that in the event that the relationship ends and one of them moves out, the departing party must sell their half to the remaining party at FMV, determined by an appraiser. Or the agreement could be they both move out and split the sale. Whatever.

      Is it very “romantic?” No. But neither are prenups. Is there any reason they can’t just draw up a pre-cohabitation contract if they’re dead set on doing this?

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Nysoz View Post
        Why do you have to buy a house? Why not just rent a house together.
        We have been renting and moving a lot for last 5 yrs
        she wants to buy she is adamant

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        • #19
          Originally posted by pierre View Post

          Which one of you is going to move out the next time the relationship is “off again”?
          600k dollar question
          expected price of the house

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          • #20
            Originally posted by G View Post

            Your short story would suggest a roughly 5% chance of a successful relationship. It is hard enough to unwind when you have a departing roommate, it is even harder when your departing roommate is a business/investing partner.
            But how are defining success ?
            I fully expect our relationship to end in 15 odd yrs anyway then it’s a matter of selling the house and moving on

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            • #21
              Originally posted by VentAlarm View Post

              Why in the world is marriage strictly off the table?
              As pretest probability of divorce is more than 100 percent
              then she will have less incentive to work
              Also I’m ideologically opposed to marriage

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              • #22
                Sorry I just edited my post 11 to explain situation a little better thanks

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by nastle View Post
                  Thanks for all the advice
                  let me clarify marriage is strictly off the table ,
                  only thing I’m asking is how bad can be owning a house together with someone I have a child with ? As both our primary residence as we are together in a ROTM ( relationship other than marriage)
                  That helped greatly. If she is dead set on the house, let her buy it and share expenses with her. Owning an investment together (which is basically what this would be) is like a partnership which is like a marriage. You are asking a bunch of strangers what could go wrong and how bad could it be when you are probably the only person who can answer this, if it’s even possible to figure out in advance. You know her nature, you know yours, you have your whole relationship history to contemplate, and you are on a financial website. If/when anything goes wrong, I bet it won’t be something we list but something that you probably could have figured out in advance.
                  Our passion is protecting clients and others from predatory and ignorant advisors. Fox & Co CPAs, Fox & Co Wealth Mgmt. 270-247-6087

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                  • #24
                    Given what you've written, buying a house together is a terrible idea.
                    Erstwhile Dance Theatre of Dayton performer cum bellhop. Carried (many) bags for a lovely and gracious 59 yo Cyd Charisse. (RIP) Hosted epic company parties after Friday night rehearsals.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by nastle View Post

                      We have been renting and moving a lot for last 5 yrs
                      she wants to buy she is adamant
                      My parents rented a house for like 15 years and we didn’t move.

                      If she’s that adamant about buying a house then have her buy it and you contribute whatever’s fair as rent and costs of raising the child. Buying a house with someone is a pain. Especially if the underlying relationship isn’t great.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by CM View Post
                        Given what you've written, buying a house together is a terrible idea.
                        Based primarily on which factors ? Please give me worst case scenarios

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                        • #27
                          I dont get it, this is a disaster scenario.

                          Whats the deal with marriage? You're against it on some deep fundamental level or simply with this person, because it sounds kinda like its this person specific. In that case there should be no halfway, life is too short.

                          What are your common law marriage conditions in your area? You'll probably be married anyway by the law.

                          First you need to find our if you actually like each other. Sounds like she wants to get married and youre for some reason just against it. You either have a weird take on it (which isnt worth the trouble its causing), or you really dont like her that much in which case you owe it to both of you to move on and actually be happy.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Nysoz View Post

                            My parents rented a house for like 15 years and we didn’t move.

                            If she’s that adamant about buying a house then have her buy it and you contribute whatever’s fair as rent and costs of raising the child. Buying a house with someone is a pain. Especially if the underlying relationship isn’t great.
                            She was going to but closer to her family
                            If we buy together it’s much closer to my family

                            and our families are very far apart

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                            • #29
                              So she already owns a house? If the goal is to just “give our kid a home,” does it not work for you to just move in?

                              If you’re worried she’s using this as a way to twist your arm into getting married, then you’ve got bigger problems.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                This is going to sound harsh, but is meant to be constructive. You have a kid. That is what matters most now, so make the decision that is best for the kid. As a rule, buying a house with someone you’re not married to is (essentially) always a bad idea. Do you think cohabitation with expected separation later is best for the child? Either acknowledge that you and your significant other can’t work through your issues and decide to coparent the best you can; or get counseling yesterday and see if you can work it out.

                                Right now, it seems like you’re trying to have your cake and eat it to. Marriage is hard. We’ve had our ups and downs, but our marriage now is nothing like it was 5 years ago and nothing like it was 5 years before that. I’m not the same man I was when I met my wife (Thank the Lord).

                                Although this is an unpopular sentiment in our current culture, marriage is likely much better for the child. If there’s any way you can make it work, I would give that everything I have. Yes, there are ups and downs, but there’s also data saying even most couples in unhappy marriages report increased happiness if they stick it out. There are different seasons of life.

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