Neither. Pretend you didn’t get it. Do not let it inflate your spending or living expenses. Decrease your spending to match your decreased income for the very short amount of time until you’re done with residency. Number one rule for rich people to stay rich “Never spend the principle”. Think of this inheritance as a tool to make future money, not as money to spend.
For instance, you “need” a $20-25k used car as a resident? How about a really nice $5-8k car to keep living as a resident?
It sounds like he is planning to use this inheritance to invest/pay off loans, so how is "pretending you didn't get it" good advice? He is asking for the best way to as you say, "use the inheritance as a tool"?
Regarding the car, if he is purchasing a reasonable car in cash for $20,000 why would you fault him? They have a combined income of $150,000 and have the cash for the car. With a growing family it would make sense if he wanted to purchase either a "newer used" car or a new car at that price. As long as he is not financing the car, which it sounds like he is not, I do not think that is a bad decision.
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