Inheritance - How mad will you be if you get nothing?

[Donnie]

There was a discussion in the comments section a few weeks ago relating to personal finance lightning rod, Dave Ramsey, and his views on inheritance.  One commenter noted that Dave’s view is that if his kids don’t share Dave’s belief in Christianity, Dave will cut them out of what is likely a multi-million dollar inheritance.  I  have to take the commenter at face value since I don’t listen to Dave.  The poster opined that this was brutal and ghastly.

Regarding Dave, my view is that it’s Dave’s money, and he can decide how to divide it upon his death. If the child is grown and able to take care of himself, the parent is under no moral obligation to give the child anything upon the parent’s death in my view.  If Dave wants to light his money on fire Joker-style, I personally wouldn’t have a problem with it.  I have seen many occasions where families get divided over the notion of entitlement regarding inheritance.  I think it is completely silly.

I have never counted on my parent’s support after I graduated high school.  I was fortunate that my parents paid for my college education, but I was prepared to pursue alternatives if they didn’t.  My parents have a reasonably-sized estate I think, but I have never spent a second thinking about receiving one penny of it.  Honestly I hope they spend it all on themselves.  They deserve it after spending the better part of a lifetime working to provide for their 5 children.  If they decide one of my other siblings needs more than me, I won’t be mad at them or my sibling.

So putting aside the issue of personal beliefs, what are your thoughts of a parent putting strings on their children’s inheritance?  What if they decide to completely arbitrarily cut out a child and give more to a sibling?

 

[DMFA]

Everything has strings in one way or another. Sure, it's his, he earned it, and can do whatever he wants with it. On the other hand, does it really matter what the dead want? They're dead; they don't have to live with it.

My biggest concern would be fomenting discord and resentment among my children/heirs about disparate inheritance. I think they'd have to be pretty horrendous for me to disinherit them.

My mother died three months after turning 65. The total amount she left for us three siblings was literally just a shade above my annual savings *before* being split 3 ways. That's what made me the angriest - not getting a small inheritance, bc I don't need it, but her dying without even having retirement in sight.

[Dicast]

No, I think it would be great for my parents to use their money however they want. I had a great head start with them paying for my college. If they want my 31 year old stay at home sister to get their money then so be it.

[CM]

Donnie wrote:

There was a discussion in the comments section a few weeks ago relating to personal finance lightning rod, Dave Ramsey, and his views on inheritance.  One commenter noted that Dave’s view is that if his kids don’t share Dave’s belief in Christianity, Dave will cut them out of what is likely a multi-million dollar inheritance.  I  have to take the commenter at face value since I don’t listen to Dave.  The poster opined that this was brutal and ghastly.

Regarding Dave, my view is that it’s Dave’s money, and he can decide how to divide it upon his death. If the child is grown and able to take care of himself, the parent is under no moral obligation to give the child anything upon the parent’s death in my view.  If Dave wants to light his money on fire Joker-style, I personally wouldn’t have a problem with it.  I have seen many occasions where families get divided over the notion of entitlement regarding inheritance.  I think it is completely silly.

I have never counted on my parent’s support after I graduated high school.  I was fortunate that my parents paid for my college education, but I was prepared to pursue alternatives if they didn’t.  My parents have a reasonably-sized estate I think, but I have never spent a second thinking about receiving one penny of it.  Honestly I hope they spend it all on themselves.  They deserve it after spending the better part of a lifetime working to provide for their 5 children.  If they decide one of my other siblings needs more than me, I won’t be mad at them or my sibling.

So putting aside the issue of personal beliefs, what are your thoughts of a parent putting strings on their children’s inheritance?  What if they decide to completely arbitrarily cut out a child and give more to a sibling?

 

Click to expand...

I believe Ramsey should be able to do as he pleases with his money, and I also agree it is brutal to disinherit one child; not because that child won't inherit money, but because it is a rejection from the child's parent.

I hope my parents enjoy their money and empty the coffers during life, and if they want to give more to some of their six children than others, that is ok with me, but if they were to cut me out of their will because they don't agree with some of my beliefs or lifestyle choices that would be very painful. That would have nothing to do with the money itself; it doesn't belong to me.

I love my parents, and it would kill me to think they went to their graves rejecting me.

[mamaham]

I listen to DR frequently and am not sure I have heard him say that he would disinherit his kids if they were not Christian.  I have heard him say that if they were making major lifestyle choices that were unacceptable to him, then they would be disinherited or would have a delayed inheritance (ie; if they had a drug habit etc.). So if they had a drug habit, then there would be a stipulation in the trust that the money would not be released until that was under control, etc.   I will have to listen more closely to see if he specifically mentions Christian as a requirement.

That said, I am not sure how it would help a drug addict to give them a bunch of money.  It seems reasonable to me to be able to put some protections in place - not necessarily to protect how your money is used after death - but rather to protect your children.  My children are little so it is hard to imagine, but if they were way wayward into drugs and out of control in some way, I am not sure that giving them a huge inheritance would be loving to them.

[StarTrekDoc]

Zero is what is desired and expected. I'd actually be happy if they gave it all to their Church.

They raised us and did much more than what a parent would in modern day would be expected.

I'd be surprised and saddened if my siblings and grandkids feel differently.

[Donnie]

CM wrote:

Donnie wrote:

There was a discussion in the comments section a few weeks ago relating to personal finance lightning rod, Dave Ramsey, and his views on inheritance.  One commenter noted that Dave’s view is that if his kids don’t share Dave’s belief in Christianity, Dave will cut them out of what is likely a multi-million dollar inheritance.  I  have to take the commenter at face value since I don’t listen to Dave.  The poster opined that this was brutal and ghastly.

Regarding Dave, my view is that it’s Dave’s money, and he can decide how to divide it upon his death. If the child is grown and able to take care of himself, the parent is under no moral obligation to give the child anything upon the parent’s death in my view.  If Dave wants to light his money on fire Joker-style, I personally wouldn’t have a problem with it.  I have seen many occasions where families get divided over the notion of entitlement regarding inheritance.  I think it is completely silly.

I have never counted on my parent’s support after I graduated high school.  I was fortunate that my parents paid for my college education, but I was prepared to pursue alternatives if they didn’t.  My parents have a reasonably-sized estate I think, but I have never spent a second thinking about receiving one penny of it.  Honestly I hope they spend it all on themselves.  They deserve it after spending the better part of a lifetime working to provide for their 5 children.  If they decide one of my other siblings needs more than me, I won’t be mad at them or my sibling.

So putting aside the issue of personal beliefs, what are your thoughts of a parent putting strings on their children’s inheritance?  What if they decide to completely arbitrarily cut out a child and give more to a sibling?

 

Click to expand…

I believe Ramsey should be able to do as he pleases with his money, and I also agree it is brutal to disinherit one child; not because that child won’t inherit money, but because it is a rejection from the child’s parent.

I hope my parents enjoy their money and empty the coffers during life, and if they want to give more to some of their six children than others, that is ok with me, but if they were to cut me out of their will because they don’t agree with some of my beliefs or lifestyle choices that would be very painful. That would have nothing to do with the money itself; it doesn’t belong to me.

I love my parents, and it would kill me to think they went to their graves rejecting me.

Click to expand...

I admit I have a particular viewpoint that comes from my specific experience, but I know if my parents cut me out of their will, it would be for what they thought was a good reason.  I may disagree with it, but I wouldn't be upset that they were rejecting me (whatever that means) because I already know they are acting in good faith.

[q-school]

I told my parents to give everything to my sister but when my dad died mom got us together and said fifty fifty No debate. And she warned me not to give the money to my sister after mom was gone.

So I wouldn't be mad if I got nothing. It paradoxically I'm not allowed to get nothing. I do wish they had spent more on themselves but unlikely mom is going to change st this point in her life.

[GXA]

My grandfather used to say:

If your kids are worthy, they don't need the inheritance.

If your kids are unworthy, they don't deserve the inheritance.

Those of us reading this blog are probably in a different place financially than the general public.  I also would be happy if my parents spent all their money on themselves.  Though if I was stuck in a low wage job struggling to make ends meet, a little inheritance would be a blessing.

[wideopenspaces]

I expect nothing and just hope my parents will have enough to support themselves. If somehow they had money left to give I imagine they'd give it to their favorite child anyway. If they cut me out or whatever, I would be fine with it because I don't care what they think about me or my choices. I know that probably sounds harsh but it's really not. We're just very different and I'm ok with that.

[StarTrekDoc]

It's interesting; the other day a patient mentioned to me that her father was ill and slowly dying and spending of her inheritance and she was so stressed about it.  I was a bit stunned at that as wasn't thinking she'd be banking on such a thing -- and she wasn't destitute either with a good job and family.

 

[Zaphod]

StarTrekDoc wrote:

It’s interesting; the other day a patient mentioned to me that her father was ill and slowly dying and spending of her inheritance and she was so stressed about it.  I was a bit stunned at that as wasn’t thinking she’d be banking on such a thing — and she wasn’t destitute either with a good job and family.

 

Click to expand...

thats dark

[SValleyMD]

I won't get a cent from my parents, in laws or grandparents (all passed away) and I'm fine with it..

I'm more upset that I'll be funding some of them after they've made dumb decisions but oh well.

I'm not sure how much I would care getting something in my 50-60s anyways when things hopefully will be all set.

[CM]

Donnie wrote:

but I wouldn’t be upset that they were rejecting me (whatever that means)

Click to expand...

to refuse to hear, receive, or admit :  renounce, repudiate, rebuff, repel, discard, disown   parents who reject their children

This is what it would mean if Ramsey would disinherit one of his children because they didn't adopt his religious beliefs.

[Hank]

If you fail to use birth control, then you're on the hook to keep your kid alive and healthy until at least age 18.  It would be awfully nice to impart some decent values and to set your progeny on a path toward a decent education and a prosperous, fulfilling career.

That said, parents don't owe children anything financially past the age of majority.  Likewise, parents are responsible for their retirement, not their offspring.  Any gifts, inheritances, support, etc. really out to be gratuitous gifts.

Giving wildly different gifts or inheritances to the kids and trying to pit your children against one another is pretty screwed up.  I hope that most siblings would be mature enough to see past such petty efforts to manipulate and set siblings against one another.

At this point, I don't expect or demand anything from my parents.  I'm responsible for my own life and for raising my kids right.  Then again, if one of my parents has had a full working lifetime and wasn't responsible enough to prepare for his post work life, I'd be happy to fly him to Alaska and help him pick out a nice ice floe.