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Kids, education and generational wealth

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  • #16
    Originally posted by AR View Post

    Is education-related stress really worse here than it is in India? I would have assumed the reverse based on the stories I've heard. But I guess the stories that you are most likely to hear are the craziest ones.
    No sure about now, but awhile ago, in Japan the "mom's" job was defined at pushing the kid's to be No. 1. It seemed like a 24/7 job. The university you went to determined your path. Similar situation in western Europe, but not near the home pressure on the mother. The path of the schools you went to were more important than the education.
    Business and non-medical careers.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Lordosis View Post

      Whenever I come across somebody who does not seem to have a plan their major usually is communications.
      I know someone who went from communications --> local news.

      Started in a small city, eventually got a job in a bigger city. The goal is to just keep moving up until you can get to a major TV market or even national. As you can imagine, the competition is intense. I'm sure that this is not what most people do with a communications major, but it is a common gateway to that path.

      Also, from the stories I've heard, being a local news reporter is definitely not a great gig.

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      • #18
        Lordosis -It's hard to replicate living struggles when your financially well.tondo and most our kids will never experience what some of us have endures in our childhood. We kept it real by having kids do budgets while growing up, volunteering at shelters and helping directly those less fortunate on missions and trips. It's nowhere close to anything sustained experience.

        We instilled throughout they need to live within their means. Show we work hard and the costs of our vacations and expenses and how we constantly stretch the dollar (or points!).

        Eg we make them go through the effort to get southwest card, spend and points to get companion pass, Hawaii trip and upgrades to get our trip for essentially $200 with points to spare for rest of 2022-23. Typing at 36k feet right now 🤪

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        • #19
          Life is not a piece of cake outside the path to medicine, nor is it easy to find job satisfaction and a sense of purpose in a career. Just look at any of the other finance forums, and read how many people hate their jobs. I am not sure there is an easier path readily available.

          our goal is to teach them to work hard, hopefully find something they find value in doing for a living, while also understanding the value of money. We are planning on paying for their education and at least helping for grad school. I come from a large extended family with some varied careers, but nearly everyone has some grad school, so this is the default path.

          as far as generational “wealth,” giving them the right values about money is what we are trying to do, as this will be the most help for their future. It makes zero sense to subsidize their lifestyle beyond what they can afford on their own when they become independent. The paid education, and UTMA accounts are only a bonus. If things work out, we will seed the education funds of the next generation reduce the financial pressure on our kids,

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          • #20
            Originally posted by AR View Post

            I know someone who went from communications --> local news.

            Started in a small city, eventually got a job in a bigger city. The goal is to just keep moving up until you can get to a major TV market or even national. As you can imagine, the competition is intense. I'm sure that this is not what most people do with a communications major, but it is a common gateway to that path.

            Also, from the stories I've heard, being a local news reporter is definitely not a great gig.
            Well at least if you are a local news anchor I wouldn't get tired of using the phrase "I'm kind of a big deal"

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            • #21
              Originally posted by StarTrekDoc View Post
              Lordosis -It's hard to replicate living struggles when your financially well.tondo and most our kids will never experience what some of us have endures in our childhood. We kept it real by having kids do budgets while growing up, volunteering at shelters and helping directly those less fortunate on missions and trips. It's nowhere close to anything sustained experience.

              We instilled throughout they need to live within their means. Show we work hard and the costs of our vacations and expenses and how we constantly stretch the dollar (or points!).

              Eg we make them go through the effort to get southwest card, spend and points to get companion pass, Hawaii trip and upgrades to get our trip for essentially $200 with points to spare for rest of 2022-23. Typing at 36k feet right now 🤪
              I agree that the fear of poverty and struggle is not going to be part of their lives. It really wasn't a part of my childhood either. We were comfortable if not financially very well off. But it does not mean that they should not have to learn to work for the things that they want.

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              • #22
                This is the harder part, right? When I was a waiter in college, I learned quote a lot in team work, trusting and when to verify on that trust,. And people management skills

                . Will they learn as much at an internship that's almost a standard these days in college? Don't know. Perhaps.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Lordosis View Post

                  Well at least if you are a local news anchor I wouldn't get tired of using the phrase "I'm kind of a big deal"
                  This person wasn't even an anchor, I'm afraid. Just one of those reporters who goes out with a small crew and reports from the location of a story. On slow news days (which is most days in a small town), it's apparently kind of a grind.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by AR View Post

                    This person wasn't even an anchor, I'm afraid. Just one of those reporters who goes out with a small crew and reports from the location of a story. On slow news days (which is most days in a small town), it's apparently kind of a grind.
                    Cat fashion show I bet.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by AR View Post
                      Is education-related stress really worse here than it is in India? I would have assumed the reverse based on the stories I've heard. But I guess the stories that you are most likely to hear are the craziest ones.
                      Not 100% sure it has been a long time since I left India. But my nephews and nieces there seem to be much better adjusted than equivalent Indian kids here.

                      I sometimes chat with some of my patients about their kids and there are so many Indian, Korean, Vietnamese and other Middle East parents who are struggling with their high school age children. Three of them are in therapy and two on medications. Maybe it is happening in India, maybe there is under diagnosis but the stress level here seems a bit intense. You basically sacrifice your youth if you have to get into good colleges.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by AR View Post
                        Also, from the stories I've heard, being a local news reporter is definitely not a great gig.
                        One of the FOX news night anchor of our local affiliate lived in my former subdivision a couple of houses from me. Since I don't watch TV I had no idea, and I am poor at connecting faces to their other persona. My wife noticed that and made it a point to turn on the news one night and identify him to me.

                        I think they earn $25-40K per year. Unless you move to a major market the pay is dismal. I have seen him only in T shirts in our neighborhood and in the same grey suit at nights. Their clothing budget must be dismal.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Kamban View Post

                          One of the FOX news night anchor of our local affiliate lived in my former subdivision a couple of houses from me. Since I don't watch TV I had no idea, and I am poor at connecting faces to their other persona. My wife noticed that and made it a point to turn on the news one night and identify him to me.

                          I think they earn $25-40K per year. Unless you move to a major market the pay is dismal. I have seen him only in T shirts in our neighborhood and in the same grey suit at nights. Their clothing budget must be dismal.
                          Aren’t you judging by clothes , house now 😀😀

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Kamban View Post

                            Let them become a teacher or an art curator that they enjoy but makes average American wage.
                            I have four cousins (from one family) who are teachers. I doubt my aunt and uncle helped them much with money because they didn't have a lot. Nevertheless, my cousins are doing well. My one-time neighbor was a retired teacher in his late 50s who was quite comfortable thanks to his pension.

                            I don't have kids so take my comments with a shaker of salt. My dad was a 20 yo carpenter earning $32,395 (inflation-adjusted) when I was born. Mom was a 20 yo SAHM, and they had 6 kids by 30 yo. Our family didn't have much money when I was growing up but I didn't realize that. Life was great.

                            I worked every lousy, low-wage job imaginable prior to internship, but thought nothing of it. I was accepted to my first-choice, high-priced, private university, but I turned it down for the no-name college that offered me a scholarship. Mom and Dad had no input in that decision. I figured I was supposed to pull my weight in the world, and I didn't want to be a burden.

                            I'm grateful for my upbringing; I think it was an advantage.

                            Having written that, I don't know that I would have given my hypothetical kids the same advantage. When I read Kamban's thoughts I hear my colleague from fellowship, also Indian. He told me, "You ache for your kids."

                            US childrearing practices have undergone a sea change since the 60s and 70s. I imagine I would have followed that current (as my five younger sibs did with their children) despite my misgivings.
                            Erstwhile Dance Theatre of Dayton performer cum bellhop. Carried (many) bags for a lovely and gracious 59 yo Cyd Charisse. (RIP) Hosted epic company parties after Friday night rehearsals.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Kamban View Post

                              One of the FOX news night anchor of our local affiliate lived in my former subdivision a couple of houses from me. Since I don't watch TV I had no idea, and I am poor at connecting faces to their other persona. My wife noticed that and made it a point to turn on the news one night and identify him to me.

                              I think they earn $25-40K per year. Unless you move to a major market the pay is dismal. I have seen him only in T shirts in our neighborhood and in the same grey suit at nights. Their clothing budget must be dismal.
                              Stealth wealth?

                              Similar happened here. Some local news guy moved in around the corner. I didn't recognize him by sight or name. I don't watch local news. But all the old people seem to know him.

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                              • #30
                                OP, that's our plan. We'll pay for college and save extra to have that option. Certainly nothing is absolute and plans can change. But if our kid has a good head on their shoulders and wants to maybe be a teacher in our HCOL area, then we'll happily help them financially if needed. Downpayment, expenses, grandkids, etc. And if they don't want/need it, then so be it. I just know too many people who did everything right, climbed the ladder, etc. but are not particularly happy with their "good" careers or lives, or stuck in jobs or areas they don't like. Doctors included. It always boils down to money. I don't want my kids to have that life.

                                Originally posted by Kamban View Post

                                I sometimes chat with some of my patients about their kids and there are so many Indian, Korean, Vietnamese and other Middle East parents who are struggling with their high school age children. Three of them are in therapy and two on medications. Maybe it is happening in India, maybe there is under diagnosis but the stress level here seems a bit intense. You basically sacrifice your youth if you have to get into good colleges.
                                Apparently that's become a common thing at our local competitive, private high schools. Not just asian families. Ton of AP's, extra-curriculars, etc. Even intense just to get into these schools.

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