Midlife crisis crossroads... any and all help and/or opinions appreciated

[tylerjw12]

I suggest finding a dream both of you can be happy with and wish for, versus just his or hers. There's a ton of middle ground between living in an airstream and building a >1M home.

[artemis]

Better yet, let him keep his stable job and you can do part time or remote job. Until the kids start going to school, rent or buy an airstream and do 1-2 month journeys and see if that romantic lifestyle is really what it is.

I think that is an excellent compromise (and I predict that after sharing an Airstream with three toddlers for a month, the OP's hubby will be MUCH less enthusiastic about living the nomadic camper lifestyle for the long-term).

[fatlittlepig]

LOL people see some pretty #vanlife pictures on instagram and think it looks like fun. social media isn't real life.

[altadoc]

Thank you for sharing and being quite vulnerable Dogtor.

When I read your post, the underlying theme I heard was, "What is this all for? Are we spending our time the way that's most valuable to us?" Does that resonate at all with you?

Our most valuable resource is our time and attention. We only get so much time, and we never know when that clock will run out. I've seen far too many friends pass away much too young. How would you want to spend it if you had freedom over your time (this goes for your husband too)? Who would you spend it with?

Switching accounts (NWM to Vanguard) and changing your savings rate, while important, are not the most critical. The biggest challenge is the emotional and personal work of asking what your purpose is and how you want to show up in the world.

Total side note - the lawyer in me has to say, your parents - per the IRS - must charge you an adequate interest rate on your mortgage note. 0% is not reasonable.

[Sampter]

I would think long and hard about the decision to sell your current home right now. I would consider putting a hold on that until you hash out what the plan is moving forward.

[CordMcNally]

Living in a camper is one of those things that sounds fantastic. You load up the camper on Monday and decide you’re going to travel the country for a few years with your kids and pets. By Wednesday you’ll realize the mistake you’ve made. There’s a time to go for that life. It’s usually much younger or much older than your mid 30s. You’re at maybe the worst time to try it.

[xraygoggles]

I can't possibly imagine how road-tripping in a caravan would be much fun after a few weeks, let alone few months. Maybe go on a short trip first and see if it's actually viable.

[Dogtor]

Kamban and artemis we do already own the Airstream so that helps a little. We would definitely try short trips before making a choice one way or the other. I already work mostly remote which is unusual for vets to be able to do, but I work long hours and travel to our hospitals around the country a lot.

tylerjw12 for sure. We could absolutely live in the small house on the property for a while until we decide what we want to do.

altadoc we used to take 2+ week vacations hiking and backpacking through national parks. We've done a bit of that since having kids, although significantly less obviously. If money were no object I would love to spend all of our time with my husband's immediate family traveling... they're a super fun adventurous group and love the kids. I think we can probably start doing some short trips in the airstream as others have recommended and see how things go, I'm just a super-planner and would like to know what ducks we need to be thinking about getting in a row before we decide to commit to anything. Regarding the mortgage, it's not actually 0% but it's really really low for the first year, and then would increase to a more normal interest rate if we didn't transition to a traditional mortgage. My mom is a lawyer so I think she did this correctly.

Sampter we're definitely selling our current house, the market in DFW is nuts right now. We can live in the small house on the property until we figure out what we want to do next.

[wideopenspaces]

My husband and I both wfh with a nanny who watches our 5 yo. It's difficult at times from a noise perspective. And I have doors and 2400sf. 100% you cannot do your job remotely in an airstream with 3 little ones. Full stop. So that's not an option.

It's bizarre that your husband has this dream but can't be bothered to figure out any of the details like how you would have money to eat. I don't know why you feel like you need to make this happen at all and even more so, right now. If it all depends on you to happen though, just don't change anything and you don't have to worry about the nightmare that would be this plan in reality.

It would be one thing if you lost the job and had plenty of money to take a year off and travel. That would be cool. I suppose you could sell all the property and travel a year and then come home, find jobs and buy a home then? But you're really setting yourselves back financially by doing something like this. Plus I'm guessing you'd super regret leaving your jobs and homes and space behind approximately 2 weeks into this whole thing.

But please definitely update us in 6 months!

[RocDoc]

sure we all have dreams and daydreams, then we return to reality.
they have 3 babies, make 500 a year, and want to move into a trailer(?)
make your money, invest it, and do the camper thing later.

Great to see you back FLP!

[Tim]

Dogtor
”fatlittlepig it's my husband's dream... I'm trying to be supportive. He followed me during internship and my equine job dreams which ultimately were a poor choice financially.”
I applaud you for being supportive.
You are organized and well experienced. I commend you on your due diligence in finding your and importantly your husbands next adventure.
My rhetorical question for you is where to you see both your husband and you in 10 years. Are you wanting to be an entrepreneur/owner (which seems to be your path) or do you see yourselves as practicing owner vets? You have been very transparent. You know the money side. Notice how I put “owner” in the options.
You can run numbers easily and manage your investments. That can be a separate post that many here can give you constructive feedback.

By the way, my niece was a classmate of yours in Vet School and my brother works the equine circuits. Small world in College Station/DFW connections.
Since you “own” the financials for the family, the relief 1099 is the backup plan until you decide on your 5/10 year plans.
Gotta have a place to keep a horse and pets. That needs to be in your plan. I think you and your husband can build whatever practice you want, together or separate. I just don’t think the Airstream is a long term solution. Vets are different, and that is meant as a compliment.
Best of luck. It will work out, 5 or 10 years will come anyway.

[Brains428]

I sometimes wonder if Tim sleeps.

There are many different types of attorneys. Some are better at contract laws than others. I'm guessing it's a bullet/balloon/interest only type loan, but standards would at least do SOFR or SOFR+1 for the interest. Really really low to the point where it can be round down to zero seems too low.

I think you can do whatever you want to potentially improve the quality of your life. Everything has a cost. Yours might be delaying retirement, or having a more frugal retirement than desired, or your kids having to pay for college on their own.

As with all important life choices "know thyself."

[F0017S0]

Total side note - the lawyer in me has to say, your parents - per the IRS - must charge you an adequate interest rate on your mortgage note. 0% is not reasonable.

Silly question: if no one is taking a deduction (i.e. the rate is zero), then why would the IRS be all bent out of shape? Not a lawyer…

[Sigrid]

Silly question: if no one is taking a deduction (i.e. the rate is zero), then why would the IRS be all bent out of shape? Not a lawyer…

Also not a lawyer, but my understanding is that if you don't charge family members the going rate (be that interest on a loan or fair market value for a purchase), then it counts as a gift and needs to be reported if it's over the annual gift limit. It doesn't mean you'll get taxed on it (the lifetime gift allowance is huge), but the IRS expects to be informed with the proper labyrinthine paerwork.

[Tim]

Silly question: if no one is taking a deduction (i.e. the rate is zero), then why would the IRS be all bent out of shape? Not a lawyer…

Gift or a loan? Income and expenses need to reported and so do gifts. Even loan forgiveness is taxable. It is a sizable sum.