Midlife crisis crossroads... any and all help and/or opinions appreciated

[Dogtor]

Tim see the comment above to nephron regarding the savings… our financial situation has changed significantly over those 9 years (the best of which was me leaving equine practice where I made 60K a year).

For the land, we are planning to list our house in a few weeks, hoping to net 400-450 in equity out of the sale. We are going to roll this into the new property, as my understanding is that capital gains might be an issue otherwise (our house has appreciated to almost double what we paid for it in 7 years).

We would not build the dream house if we were living on the road. We would likely try to rent the tenant house to cover the mortgage and save while on the road since now seems to not be a great time to build.

Most veterinarians are not 1099 unless they are doing relief. However, the relief vets I know are making 200K+ a year if they’re doing it right (taking high paying shifts and keeping their schedules relatively full). My husband works ER right now and could easily go to ER relief, my job is a little harder as I am the CMO of a small group and may be losing my job in a few months as our company sells

[fatlittlepig]

Time to grow up, and put aside these wacky thoughts of living some romanticized nomadic life of trailer life with 3 kids. You can do that later. This is the time to make money.

[Random1]

Take a month off, live in the airstream every night and travel to a different campsite each day, cook all your meals over an open fire , wash your clothes in a laundry mat , and empty to sewer line your self every night. Maybe try to get your 40 hour week in , only then will you get a good idea if you like it. We love traveling, when we are on vacation, but we are always happy to go back to civilized society at the end of our travels.

[Anne]

Google capital gains exclusion for primary residence.

What do you plan to do if you lose your job? Sounds like you are currently nonclinical? Would you be a relief vet too? How does childcare work on the road? Do you want to take a while off and be a SAHM? (Or a SAAM)

I disagree with the “you gotta live a “normal life in a normal house” philosophy. If this is a dream of your husband’s and you are truly supportive then go for it. It’s going to be more difficult when the kids are older and by the time they are grown who knows what you will want or be physically capable of. Living in an airstream with toddlers is not for me, but if nobody did their own version of wacky adventures the world would be pretty boring. You can still save that way and I would guess you can live pretty frugally that way. If you do it definitely get the house on the property rented out.

[fatlittlepig]

sure we all have dreams and daydreams, then we return to reality.
they have 3 babies, make 500 a year, and want to move into a trailer(?)
make your money, invest it, and do the camper thing later.

[Dogtor]

pit.alumni My husband has had the airstream dream... both his parents and brother and SIL are getting on the road in their campers so I think he has major FOMO right now. He's also been watching Tiny Shiny Home and Gone with the Wynns and is convinced this is totally doable. I would like to be supportive but I am also going to have to be the one to figure out all the details (like how we're going to make money and how much we need).

Tangler we traveled a bunch pre-kids (like weeks at a time) on a shoestring budget, sleeping in the car etc. We like to camp and backpack and would like to expose the kids to that as much as we can. We are keeping the tiny house as our back pocket option for sure.

StateOfMyHead I am terrified of what the dream house costs. We are probably looking at 1.4-1.6M for property and house, so somewhere around a million dollar loan if we dump all of our equity from our current house on the new house. I am hesitant on that front as I don't think we are really in a good place to do that financially (especially with my current job instability), but continue to mention to my husband that we can live in the tiny house on the property until we feel comfortable biting the bullet on the new build.

Anne I am currently nonclinical, but I have continued to pick up some relief surgery shifts to keep my skills up, and those pay quite well for our field (I can work 8-2 and make $1000 a shift). I would initially try to do my job on the road to keep the health benefits, but I am concerned about the time commitment. It has been a lucrative job but I could likely make just as much working relief. The biggest issue would be losing benefits and some flexibility, and having to go back to clinical practice. Relief tends to be pretty flexible, but I am generally the one who can run and pick up a kid from school if they're sick etc and if I was working a relief shift I really couldn't do that. However, stability with my current job is completely out of my hands and in the hands of my current company owners and the buyers. Relief would be an easy option even as an interim role, to find another role similar to mine I would likely have to find representation with a corporate headhunter. We would forgo childcare on the road, so my hubs and I would have to work opposite shifts, but we would have a lot of family support and it would save us $46K per year in childcare.

fatlittlepig it's my husband's dream... I'm trying to be supportive. He followed me during internship and my equine job dreams which ultimately were a poor choice financially.

[Dogtor]

Anne missed part of your question... In theory I would love to not work and stay with the kids. However, the kids drive me nuts some days so in reality I need a job for more reasons than one
I would love to work less than I am currently working though.

[Lordosis]

Are you building a million dollar dream home or living in a camper? Or both? Maybe I misread the post but I am confused.

[Dogtor]

Lordosis that is the question and why we’re at a crossroads… my husband prefers one option and I prefer the other. He’s been following my dreams for years now though so I feel like he should get his turn.

[Tim]

“Most veterinarians are not 1099 unless they are doing relief. However, the relief vets I know are making 200K+ a year if they’re doing it right (taking high paying shifts and keeping their schedules relatively full). My husband works ER right now and could easily go to ER relief, my job is a little harder as I am the CMO of a small group and may be losing my job in a few months as our company sells .”
”1) I did an internship my first year out and made 25K, and then was in equine practice making 60K for 1.5 years after that.
2) We paid off over 180K in student loans about 5 years ago.
3) Our earnings are currently the highest they have ever been, the last two years are the first time we broke $400K. ”

The Airstream seems to be an escape hatch, which is very understandable. It sounds like a nice life experience, but not a destination. My take is that the “work” piece of work/life is at a cross roads. The choices for the “life” piece aren’t, you just need to find a way balance them both.
The big drawback is the Airstream takes one of the shovels out of “work” for good reason, someone needs to take care of the kids.

I know one vet that works employed and picks up relief shifts 1099 and makes as much on relief as employed. Husband is a school principal. Child care is predictable. Grand parents during the week and husband on the weekend. She doesn’t work every available shift. Unique, but it works.

Just saying I don’t think an Airstream gets you closer to the life you want. It takes you farther away.
BTW, A&M vet school is tough to get in. Congrats on Main Forum above. Airstream is a viable solution, but no a long term plan. Need to find a way to keep both shovels in business.
Not a thing wrong with a life experience, different than a destination.

[Random1]

I think you are going to look back in life , when you are at your real mid life crisis point and say, "that was a great idea, I'm glad we did it" or "we messed up and now have to work forever". I don't think it will be easy to have it both ways.

[VagabondMD]

I would not consider this to be a "midlife crisis", more of an early adulthood crisis. Semantics aside, and speaking of early adulthood, I think that your husband may need to grow up a bit. This dream of traveling with 3 young kids across the country in a camper sounds very immature to me. He needs to accept the fact that he has a wife and 3 small children, and he has responsibility to all four of them. More to the point, you do not want to live in a camper. Unless you promised him this lifestyle when you were married, he should have no expectations that this is his immediate future. Even if you did, you have the right to change your mind as you have grown and accepted the responsibility of three tiny humans.

[Kamban]

The big issue is not your Airstream dream. It is the three kids under 5. Trying to move around the country in an airstream, living in cramped quarters and trying to home school three young kids while earning 200K as a relief vet is not ideal. He will be exhausted, you will be exhausted taking care of the 3 kids while he works and in the end it will be a mess.

Better yet, let him keep his stable job and you can do part time or remote job. Until the kids start going to school, rent or buy an airstream and do 1-2 month journeys and see if that romantic lifestyle is really what it is. Just because his parents and BIL are doing it does not mean you and your kids will enjoy it. And just because he supported you in equine school does not mean you have to go along with this wild nomadic lifestyle if this is not your thing.

[Phillyvet]

One part of me thinks this sounds great and go for it. However the part of me that raised 3 kids to adulthood thinks I would rather pluck my eyes out than share that small a space with 3 small children. When I have suggested it to my husband with just the 3 german shepherds he looks at me like I took leave of my senses. Keep in mind that ES shifts generally run 8-8 and perhaps longer if records are not completed. So you will be Very tired when you return to your RV and need sleep. Keep that in mind given the confined space. One other thing to consider-the vet relief market has been on fire the last 2 yrs but in a recession those shifts are frequently reduced or cut. After the crisis in 2009 relief substantially dried up in our major metro area. Have a good emergency fund. I don't believe work will go away but pay could come down.

[StarTrekDoc]

I would not consider this to be a "midlife crisis", more of an early adulthood crisis.

Same. Sounds like the family hasn't really quite found their footing/calling. That's okay. Many don't for quite some time. Perhaps travel with the family is the calling. It maybe outside the normal for 2 vets, but it maybe just that what you want.

Travelling Locums vets may be just what the doc ordered.

Agreed. Not mid-life crisis. That's what I'm doing at 50 ;D