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Helping a newborn grandchild

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  • #31
    From "bumpy path" to Ivy League grad making 250K just 1.5 yrs post graduation seems like a really weird sequence of events.

    I can't even imagine how much he would be crushing it if it was just smooth sailing.

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    • #32
      If you don't go the 529 route, some of the big ticket baby/child items would be nice. In the early years of kids/training, my husband's well-off parents gave us some very generous gifts that were well-used, but definitely out of our price range at the time. Super nice carseats, a BOB jogging stroller that got good use through 4 kids--all things that we appreciated, but would have been out of the budget at the time.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by MSooner View Post
        If you don't go the 529 route, some of the big ticket baby/child items would be nice. In the early years of kids/training, my husband's well-off parents gave us some very generous gifts that were well-used, but definitely out of our price range at the time. Super nice carseats, a BOB jogging stroller that got good use through 4 kids--all things that we appreciated, but would have been out of the budget at the time.
        Son earning 250k.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by StarTrekDoc View Post

          Son earning 250k.
          With remaining credit card debt, new house, new spouse and a new child. All during the pandemic.
          Times the are a changing. Those are a ton of life changing events to digest in one year. In particular, it included “bonus”. Sustainability is a legitimate question. I wish him well.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Tim View Post

            With remaining credit card debt, new house, new spouse and a new child. All during the pandemic.
            Times the are a changing. Those are a ton of life changing events to digest in one year. In particular, it included “bonus”. Sustainability is a legitimate question. I wish him well.
            And let’s not forget taxes !
            Our passion is protecting clients and others from predatory advisors. Fox & Co CPAs, Fox & Co Wealth Mgmt. 270-247-6087

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            • #36
              Originally posted by AR View Post
              From "bumpy path" to Ivy League grad making 250K just 1.5 yrs post graduation seems like a really weird sequence of events.

              I can't even imagine how much he would be crushing it if it was just smooth sailing.
              You have no idea. Several people assumed my son is 24 years old, but that would be the case without the bumps. This kid is doing so much better now, but there was a delay in starting college, and then there was time off to get his act together during college. He was an over the top party animal and racked up 80k in credit card debt. And he developed multiple sclerosis including a severe case of transverse myelitis that thankfully has mostly resolved.

              He finally decided to get his act together. He has been completely sober for 19 months, got married, has a stable job with multiple promotions and rapidly rising income. So far, he paid down his credit card debt to around 40k, so half way there. He plans to have it all paid off within a year. Everyone grows up on their own timeline, but things are so much better this year.

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              • #37
                That's awesome and glad he turned it around. So many don't ☹️🥺.

                This is what keeps me up at night now with daughter entering college. She's away in Spain right now and have no idea of the day-to-day things are now. Just have to believe gave her the right skills to make good choices and to recover from the bad ones.

                Glad your son is c+s and aimed in the right direction and you stayed the course with him.

                you have the funds to salt away for the grandkids, so plan accordingly...just in case.


                ​​​​

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                • #38
                  Sounds like you guys love your son, and are excited for your new grand baby. Sounds like
                  your son will be able to provide a nice life for his child and his journey in life wasn’t linear. Sounds like he chose to do a few suboptimal things in his 20’s and has matured through them, and is in a safer direction now and gaining steam.

                  You really don’t need to do anything except for enjoy your grand child. If I were your son, I’d want your respect and love - I’d want to know that my capable dad believes I am capable, too. I’d want him to tell me he’s proud of me, and treat me as an equal, not a junior.

                  Babysitting so the parents can have a break would be the best gift, because the best gift anyone can give anybody is the gift of time.

                  You can cash flow the grand kids education if you want to, so a secret 529 seems unnecessary. I would personally feel disrespected if my parents made a financial plan B for my kids.

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by ObgynMD View Post
                    Sounds like you guys love your son, and are excited for your new grand baby. Sounds like
                    your son will be able to provide a nice life for his child and his journey in life wasn’t linear. Sounds like he chose to do a few suboptimal things in his 20’s and has matured through them, and is in a safer direction now and gaining steam.

                    You really don’t need to do anything except for enjoy your grand child. If I were your son, I’d want your respect and love - I’d want to know that my capable dad believes I am capable, too. I’d want him to tell me he’s proud of me, and treat me as an equal, not a junior.

                    Babysitting so the parents can have a break would be the best gift, because the best gift anyone can give anybody is the gift of time.

                    You can cash flow the grand kids education if you want to, so a secret 529 seems unnecessary. I would personally feel disrespected if my parents made a financial plan B for my kids.
                    OB/GYN MD Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Yes, I know he wants my respect as much as my love. And time to share love and support is a gift we have been planning to give to the new parents all along.

                    As far as financial support, we have been working to stay out of their finances, to give them space to figure things out. It is probably best for now for us to stay the course with that plan. Give them space. There is plenty of time to pivot in the future if that becomes necessary.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by ObgynMD View Post

                      You can cash flow the grand kids education if you want to, so a secret 529 seems unnecessary. I would personally feel disrespected if my parents made a financial plan B for my kids.
                      The whole point of 529 is the cost efficiency of it transfer of generational wealth.

                      As a parent I would appreciate educational gifts over. bright shiny status objects for the grandkids.

                      Another option would be a timeshare at Disney 😍. I'm all over that already for our grandkids to tag along with us .

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                      • #41
                        Originally posted by ObgynMD View Post
                        Sounds like you guys love your son, and are excited for your new grand baby. Sounds like
                        your son will be able to provide a nice life for his child and his journey in life wasn’t linear. Sounds like he chose to do a few suboptimal things in his 20’s and has matured through them, and is in a safer direction now and gaining steam.

                        You really don’t need to do anything except for enjoy your grand child. If I were your son, I’d want your respect and love - I’d want to know that my capable dad believes I am capable, too. I’d want him to tell me he’s proud of me, and treat me as an equal, not a junior.

                        Babysitting so the parents can have a break would be the best gift, because the best gift anyone can give anybody is the gift of time.

                        You can cash flow the grand kids education if you want to, so a secret 529 seems unnecessary. I would personally feel disrespected if my parents made a financial plan B for my kids.

                        I completely agree that babysitting is the ultimate gift. Do it without them having to ask and without complaining and they will appreciate you to the moon. Having a trusted family member watch a child is so much better/less stressful than a babysitter.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by StarTrekDoc View Post

                          The whole point of 529 is the cost efficiency of it transfer of generational wealth.

                          As a parent I would appreciate educational gifts over. bright shiny status objects for the grandkids.

                          Another option would be a timeshare at Disney 😍. I'm all over that already for our grandkids to tag along with us .
                          The Disney timeshare idea is a good one. Grandparents paying for a vacation that the kids could not afford, but it’s not for daily living, and it’s not expected. Jfox did something similar and it’s built lovely family memories it sounds like.

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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by Sampter View Post
                            I completely agree that babysitting is the ultimate gift. Do it without them having to ask and without complaining and they will appreciate you to the moon. Having a trusted family member watch a child is so much better/less stressful than a babysitter.
                            The timing is right. When he pays of the credit card loan in a year.
                            A token reward:
                            Babysit with the one year old and send them on a kid free vacation. Grand parents get the kid for a week and they get a break. Something like Hawaii or Cabo. It doesn’t have to be one of your first class boondoggles! Send them alone.

                            Grand parents are about the only option with young kids for a week. Hey, everyone appreciates a free vacation.Give him a marker that you are proud of his turn around. You will have memories of that week. Back to diapers and baths. The work is rewarding.

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by ObgynMD View Post

                              The Disney timeshare idea is a good one. Grandparents paying for a vacation that the kids could not afford, but it’s not for daily living, and it’s not expected. Jfox did something similar and it’s built lovely family memories it sounds like.
                              Thank you for remembering. Yes, we just got back from our 3rd year “at the beach house”. For Mother’s Day this year, the kids (their wives, I’m sure) made books of pictures from yrs 1 and 2, with captions, and I’ve never gotten a better present in my life.
                              Our passion is protecting clients and others from predatory advisors. Fox & Co CPAs, Fox & Co Wealth Mgmt. 270-247-6087

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by White.Beard.Doc View Post

                                OB/GYN MD Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Yes, I know he wants my respect as much as my love. And time to share love and support is a gift we have been planning to give to the new parents all along.

                                As far as financial support, we have been working to stay out of their finances, to give them space to figure things out. It is probably best for now for us to stay the course with that plan. Give them space. There is plenty of time to pivot in the future if that becomes necessary.
                                Basically agree with this but a lump sum in a 529 is a generous gift for your grandchild and good estate planning for you. I'd throw $30k in a 529 100% global stocks and move on. Your son's doing fine. A 529 does not reward or punish him. The gift is to your grandchild.

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