I would like to start with 2 things first.

1.If you are in a happy marriage or even a normal one, appreciate what you have. Peace of mind is priceless

2.If you have made some financial mistakes, it is ok. Never too late to learn.

I am in a tricky situation and would appreciate your advice.

I'm married to a man who is charming, has external success but is a master manipulator. It took me several years to realize he married me for the money. He is controlling, impulsive, has high risk behavior regarding credit card debt and investments. The only thing  he has not done is buying whole life and has done every mistake mentioned in this forum, multiple times. I have tried reasoning, educating him about finances but no change. I initially thought he was bipolar, treatment only helped a little. I am now sure  he has borderline personality disorder. I have stayed too long in this marriage and take full responsibility for not acting sooner. We have 2 kids and have always wanted to avoid divorce.

I educated myself over the years. I managed to separate my account against great resistance. I manage my 401 K, 457 b, have taxable account all in vanguard funds. I maintain a decent emergency fund. He continues to break my spirit by racking up credit card debt and making high risk real estate and angel investments in start ups.

I'm worried we may be bankrupt one day due to his irresponsible behavior no matter how much I save.

I'm done with this and ideally would like to get divorced. I'm ok with him getting half the assets, ok with taking liability for his debts. I'm prepared to start from zero after the divorce. He does not want it. He harmed himself ending up in ER when I threatened separation in the past. I'm contemplating a post nup agreement but doubt he will agree. Is there any way I can protect myself legally from spouse's risky behavior or is divorce the only option. Even divorce is going to be very expensive considering it will be a high conflict one, very likely to go to court.

My self confidence and self worth has eroded over the years dealing with this trauma. We have 2 small kids who love the dad. Coparenting will be a nightmare and it is going to be 50-50 custody. I continue to work, manage to stay sane and still be a good physician. I seek solace in my kids, my work and prayer.

There are a lot of psychiatrists here whose opinion may be helpful.

My questions are how can I protect my assets, protect myself against spouse's debts and what financial things need to be planned before divorce.

Thank you for reading this and appreciate advice.